I Don’t Like Your Girlfriend, So What?

Typically, I’m pretty honest and straightforward with my friends when they ask me questions involving my opinion. I mean, they’re my friends and they’re asking to hear my thoughts, so why not give it to them? Recently, a buddy of mine asked me what I thought about his girlfriend.  In this particular relationship, I personally don’t believe that my friend and his girlfriend are a good match for each other. They fight, they argue,  and they spend more time “working” on their relationship than actually having one.  Despite all of these things, I believe that on a personal level, that the two of them are holding each other back and would be happier with other people.

Now admittedly, I’m generally a tough critic when it comes my opinion of my friends’ partners, but my friend wasn’t asking me about my opinion of the status of his relationship. He was asking me about what I thought of his girlfriend on personal level. This question for me is easy. I either like someone, can’t stand them, or don’t like them.

So without much hesitation, I told my friend I didn’t like her. At first, he didn’t respond. He just sat there with a puzzled look on his face and I could tell what he was thinking. He opened his mouth and said,

“How do you NOT like her but you talk to her all the time and smile when you see her? That’s fake man? Why don’t you like her!?”

I could tell that he was actually hurt by the lack of kinship between me and his girlfriend, so I reassured him that his girlfriend didn’t do anything to me at all, and just because I didn’t like her, doesn’t mean I hate her.  Nevertheless, over the next few months, my friend constantly tried to get me to “give her a chance” and setup awkward situations that put me and her together in the same place or room alone to try to promote a bond between the two of us. Such forceful and artificial fellowship is actually a turnoff and is more likely to generate a more negative response than there already is. And still, I fail to understand why we simply cannot “not be friends”.

As far as “acting fake” goes, I don’t believe that’s true. When you say that you don’t like someone, it’s one of those statements that doesn’t really sound good no matter how you phrase it. In actuality, it is not as bad as it sounds. I can still think someone is a good person, but if I have no draw to them, then there is no chemistry or connection. If that is true, then I don’t like them. I don’t hate them, I’m just not their biggest fan. I’m indifferent.

I don’t understand why people feel the need to have their boyfriend/girlfriend and their friends, be friends. I personally prefer to keep them separate.  I’d prefer if my girlfriend didn’t hang out with my friends without me being there. I personally believe that it’s easier to keep those two worlds separated and that things get messy when the two worlds collide. But I understand how many people wouldn’t mind that their friends and their partner get along, but is it a problem if they don’t?

I have a friend. He has a girlfriend. Why should he think that just because I see his girlfriend often and share space with her minutes at a time, that we have to be friends?

Maybe I’m just unfriendly. Or maybe she sucks. I dunno.

Discuss…

The Platonic Road Fork – Part I

It’s been a while since I’ve shared one of my theories with you all, so  I’m more than happy to share the newest installment of the Genius Theories. As with every Genius Theory, I gotta give you the background first.

The Background

This story starts off with a friend whom we will call Lyle, because it sounds funny. During a water break at the gym, my friend Lyle began to retell his Valentine’s Day disaster story from this passed month. Two months back, at a friend’s party, Lyle met a very very attractive Pretty Lady. Lyle and Pretty Lady struck up a conversation and seemed to hit it off, eventually exchanging phone numbers. Thus began a long string of hour-and-a-half long phone conversations.

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The Platonic Road Fork – Part II

…continued from: The Platonic Road Fork – Part I

Before I started explaining the situation to my friend, I paused. Just to make sure I wasn’t jumping the gun, I asked a few questions first because Lyle’s story sounded like there was much that he conveniently left out. I asked him a few questions and these are some of the things I uncovered:

• Since the very beginning of the relationship, Lyle speaks with her a few times a day, just about everyday.
• Lyle has thrice taken Pretty Lady out on extravagant dinners and outings.
• Every time Lyle makes a flirtatious comment to Pretty Lady, she tells him to stop or that it makes her uncomfortable.
• Lyle buys Pretty Lady “Just Because” presents for no reason such as appliances, home decor, etc.
• Lyle gets jealous when he’s around guys that she is dating or brings them up in conversation.
• Pretty Lady could care less who Lyle dates and sometimes encourages him in his relationships.

The truth is that Lyle has no chance. Like none. But what is worse is that he’s doing everything wrong.

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I Never Call Back…Like EVER

A few days ago, a friend of mine pointed out a bad habit I have. I never call girls back once they give me their number. Apparently, she and some of my other female friends consider this kind of behaviour enough to merit me the title “Worst person in the world”. I am fully aware that this pisses some people off, yet I keep doing it (unintentionally). Why would you work so hard to charm a lady, and then act as if you were uninterested after you’ve obtained her contact information? Read more

The Fate of Black Love – Part I

The Fate of Black Love? Maybe.

If TV is supposed to be a reflection of our times, then based on music videos and popular reality shows like “Flavor of Love“, we are really in trouble.

The state of the black community is a topic that has been plaguing its people for years. Read more

On-line Dating and Diabetes

Disclaimer: I know what ya’ll are thinking. “Oh, those staff writers at Afrothought.com and their bogus theories/metaphors/alternate perspectives. Do they expect us to just digest this sh*t oh, so complacently?!! ” But bear with me here on this one. And no, we don’t expect instant digestion. We actively encourage intensive mastication. And if it still doesn’t sit well. Feel free to purge. But bear with me on this one, you’ll see where it’s going…

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He’ll Regret it…

He’ll regret it. . .
. . . but then again maybe he won’t.  That is something that I keep to myself, every time, so countless it is disturbing, I am out with my girlfriends over dinner or one the phone with one of them, and a story is being retold about the end of the affair.

‘Affair’ is the correct word more than 93% of the time (yes, I did the math) as opposed to ‘relationship’, because these things ended quicker than they started and nothing was really official. It seems as though every time the DOR conversation was brought up, by the female no doubt, an argument ensued or evasive tactics (e.g. sex) were employed. DOR for those with testosterone outbalancing their estrogen is the “definition of the relationship” aka “so ARE YOU my boyfriend??!!” (said of course in a whiny girly voice, cause the first six or seven times the question was asked, it was done in a proper tone. Frustration reverts us back to barrettes and that single roller bump hanging down on our forehead).

Whatever details that make this retelling seemingly unique from all the other melodramas of the past is irrelevant. Because all too many stories end up with you and your girlfriends commiserating over Thai food and desert all agreeing that

“He’ll regret it one day. One day he’ll realize what a big mistake he made, and that you are the best thing that has ever happened to him!!!”

I am guilty. I have said this shit, and it is shit, before, and have honestly believed it. I mean HONESTLY. Truth be told, many of my girlfriends were just as f%$@ked up as the dude, albeit they had different issues (you know the female-version of insecurity versus the male-version, etcetera etcetera). So why would we assume that it is HIM, that will regret it? That is not to say that she should regret it. All I am saying this that, especially in the superficial-fly-by-night affairs (or even in long term relationships), everyone wins in the end by no longer being together. They each did each other a favor essentially. Fumbling around in the dark, literally and figuratively, and expecting a diamond to pop out of his ass at the end on a bed of pearls (no pun intended, haha!) cannot be healthy on any level. Fumbling around in the dark, just for fumble sake. . . is another discussion (just use condoms people!!!).

So why justify bad decisions by espousing yourself from the blame and unloading the yolk all on the dude? Cause it’s easy. It is easier than saying to your girl. “Girl, you met ole boy at the [insert location, usually ‘the club’] and then hooked up with him [insert the day, usually within a week to be conservative] and he clearly said that he just wanted to [insert ‘just kick it’, ‘was not tryna be tied down’, ‘seeing how it will go’, etc] and every time ya’ll were together ya’ll didn’t go out but basically [insert the vertical or horizontal activity], so how is this soo soo shocking that he is not tryna be ‘bought nuffin?” Yo bad for paying to interview [see previous article].

Okay, that was a bit blunt, pessimistic, and none to empathetic. Another situation. Pretend, and nowadays I mean STRETCH your imagination, that she and he were actually in a really long term committed relationship and it went south for some reason or another, infidelity, long distance, lack of communication, growing disinterest, somebody got fat but not pregnant fat, etc. And the break up was messy. And now you are back to dinner, soul food this time and dessert, and the famous lines are evoked. Still. He may not regret it, even if it was his fault. He may be sorry, eventually, maybe, for the pain that transpired as a result of the dissolution of the union, but regret, ehhh, I am thinking, no. And he may, and chances are for his girls, he may find someone before you and BETTER than you. If this happens, is your self worth no longer validated? Does your self worth balance on the pendulous motion of his assumed regret? Why do we have to do that?

Why can’t we face reality.

“Girl, I dunno what’s gonna happen to him, or you, but these neck bones is goooood!”

Maybe we should leave it at that. And then go work out after.