You Won’t Like Me When I’m Angry
July 27, 2008
Written by The Prophet
We were loud and obnoxious but so was everyone else in the 24-hour Greek eatery. The waitress, a Greek woman in her mid-30’s, comes out w/ the bill as I’m retelling a dirty story rich with profane vocabulary and not-so-subtle sexual innuendo (I’m out with my guy friends…it happens) . She then looks at me sideways and says, “Wow, you have such lovely vocabulary!” I let it pass because the story was on the raunchy side, but as she came back to take my credit card, well after I had concluded the story, she added “An education would help out that vocabulary, you should think about it”
I reverted to my usual sarcastic self and told her “I see it’s gotten you very far…now go ring my bill, cash my tip, and go buy yourself something nice.” A whack attempt at retribution in my semi-sober state. The woman began swearing violently at me, and I began to laugh and continue to egg her on. My friend pulls me aside and says to me,
“Take it easy, man. Calm down. You’re totally fulfilling the angry black man stereotype! You’re not making that any better right now, so chill out.” That’s not the first time I’ve been told something like that by one of my non-Black/African-American friends but I made sure it was the last time this particular one said it.
In retrospect, I don’t condone my behavior. As a matter of fact, I usually stray from a senseless war of words, but this time my anger got the best of me. But sometimes you don’t realize that you’re non-black friends are not black until they say dumb shit like this. On the surface, there’s not much dumb about the statement, my friend just didn’t want me looking stupid in public, but there is a lot going on in those 3 or 4 sentences. I refuse to live my life always wary of accidentally or intentionally fulfilling the “angry black man” stereotype. Damn, can’t I be mad? Last time I checked, I was a human with human emotions and human feelings. So why is it that me being angry fulfills the black stereotype we call the A.B.M. (Angry Black Man)?
It shouldn’t shock my friend (or anyone else) that at some point in time I will be angry, black, and a man simultaneously. The likelihood of that happening is actually kind of high because there is no time in which I’m not a black man. “Take it easy, man. Calm down. You’re totally fulfilling the angry black man stereotype! ” So I guess that apparently means I’m not allowed to get angry. Fuck that.
Discuss….
Interesting.. Well my friend I guess we both agree there are a number of issues with this situation, but the source of this situation strays from the waiter who assumed her opinion was of your greatest concern. I guess the best thing I can say at this point is the only way you won’t become a victim of the stereotype is if you don’t personalize it. Of course it seems near impossible when it’s directed to you, understand the lack of education that stands behind it.
Your friends wanted to diffuse the situation and although their comment was offensive to you, I would hope malice was not behind it and they probably don’t understand that they’ve made a mistake. In fairness you should explain to them where they went wrong and understand exactly where they are coming from, maybe it’s all a misunderstanding. That’s what communication can do for you honey.
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BricksHereMan Reply:
October 29th, 2008 at 7:16 am
I TOTALLY agree. I think that’s what the prophet guy was saying. I’ve had a series of those little “innocent” misunderstandings in the past. Although they sometimes REALLY get under my skin, I know that there’s no harm intended by it especially when it comes from a friend. So rather than getting upset, I address it and just let’em know. It doesn’t always go over so well because some people just cannot understand this point but hey, better to try. Great article!
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The first commenter is right. It’s B.S, but there’s always a stereotype black males will fall into no matter what they say or do. I hadn’t really thought about your side of the angry black man stereotype, but you’re completely right. What your friend said was just as racist and stereotypical as the waitresses comment.
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I can’t make a comment you really said a mouthful! I work with a decent number of white males and it is true. There is always a stereotype that we can live up to. Thug, lazy, etc… I fall victim to watching my vocabulary trying to aviopd sounding unintelligent and while being from the south it is almost impossible to fall into one of those good old lose vowel moment where my jaws clinch and my words become mumble and the Lingo beggins to fly out.
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