He’ll Regret it…

. . . but then again maybe he won’t. That is something that I keep to myself, every time, so countless it is disturbing, I am out with my girlfriends over dinner or on the phone with one of them, and a story is being retold about the end of the affair.

‘Affair’ is the correct word more than 93% of the time as opposed to ‘relationship’ (yes, I did the math), because these things ended quicker than they started and nothing was really official. It seems as though every time the DOR conversation was brought up, by the female no doubt, an argument ensued or evasive tactics (e.g. sex) were employed. DOR, for those with an estrogen deficiency, is the “definition of the relationship” aka “so…ARE YOU my boyfriend??!!” (said of course in a whiny girly voice, cause the first six or seven times the question was asked, it was done in a proper tone. Frustration reverts us back to barrettes and that single roller bump hanging down on our forehead)

Whatever details that make this retelling seemingly unique from all the other melodramas of the past is irrelevant. Because all too many stories end up with you and your girlfriends commiserating over Thai food and desert all agreeing that

“He’ll regret it one day. One day he’ll realize what a big mistake he made, and that you are the best thing that has ever happened to him!!!”

I am guilty. I have said this shit before (and it is shit), and have honestly believed it. I mean HONESTLY. Truth be told, many of my girlfriends were just as f@#$ked up as the dude, albeit they had different issues. You know the female-version of insecurity versus the male-version, etcetera etcetera. So why would we assume that it is HIM, that will regret it? That is not to say that she should regret it. All I am saying this that, especially in the superficial, fly-by-night affairs, everyone wins in the end by no longer being together. They each did each other a favor essentially. Fumbling around in the dark, literally and figuratively, and expecting a diamond to pop out of his ass at the end on a bed of pearls (no pun intended, haha!) cannot be healthy on any level. Fumbling around in the dark, just for fumble sake. . . is another discussion (just use condoms people!!!).

So why justify bad decisions by espousing yourself from the blame and unloading the yolk all on the dude? Cause it’s easy. It is easier than saying to your girl. “Girl, you met ‘ole boy at the [insert location, usually ‘the club’] and then hooked up with him [insert "the same day", usually "within a week" to be conservative] and he clearly said that he just wanted to [insert ‘just kick it’, ‘was not tryna be tied down’, ‘seeing how it will go’, etc.] and every time ya’ll were together ya’ll didn’t go out but basically [insert the vertical or horizontal activity], so how is this soo soo shocking that he is not tryna be ‘bought nuffin?” Well tha’s yo bad for paying someone who’s still interviewing (see The Interview Process).

Okay, that was a bit blunt, pessimistic, and not too empathetic. Another situation. Pretend, and nowadays I mean STRETCH your imagination, that she and he were actually in a really long term committed relationship and it went south for some reason or another, infidelity, long distance, lack of communication, growing disinterest, somebody got fat but not pregnant-fat, etc. And the break up was messy. And now you are back to dinner, soul food this time and dessert, and the famous lines are evoked. Still. He may not regret it, even if it was his fault. He may be sorry, eventually, maybe, for the pain that transpired as a result of the dissolution of the union, but regret, ehhh, I am thinking, no. And he may, and chances are for his girls, he may find someone before you and BETTER than you. If this happens, is your self worth no longer validated? Does your self worth balance on the pendulous motion of his assumed regret? Why do we have to do that?

Why can’t we face reality.

“Girl, I dunno what’s gonna happen to him, or you, but these neck bones is goooood” Maybe we should leave it at that. And then go work out afterwards.

Talk to me…