Chivalry is NOT Dead…

…but that mofo sure is on life support!

Raised a southern gentleman by a single mother, i pride myself on knowing how to treat a lady. In someways it serves as an IQ test, like how long can you go before you f-up. (Grand prize… grandkids.) Even beyond that though, proper manners with the fairer sex generally puts you in a whole new level of manhood. It is part of being a man (rather than claiming you are one). Knowing and doing sometimes differ but that of course depends on the time, place and most likely the lady (if she can so be called).

Part of that however includes the decreasingly common act of chivalry. Currently most notable when a man will open the door for a lady, pull out a chair (for a girlfriend), walk on the street side of the curb (if somehow abandoned by his car). Personally, I do all of the above but still draw the occasional salty reaction for it. Seriously, though? Is it that crucial?

Chivalry is misunderstood. Nowadays chivalry is seen as part of the institutionalized behaviors degrading women. Some of you are thinking “well, it is”; trust me, it isn’t. For starters, the mainstay of chivalry - opening the door - is barely beyond holding an open door. Everyone holds an open door; seriously everyone, men for men, women for women, women for men, seniors for teens, goats for el chupacabra, it’s just what you do. As is not cutting off people in traffic, it’s rude and they are probably crazy. Chivalry is essentially an extension of everyday courtesies and/or manners. Only they most often help men hold themselves to better standards. You know those women who say ‘men are no good’, clearly they don’t know any gents. Conversely that’s probably because they aren’t attracted to them… so really i don’t know why they’re mad. Oh you mad cus your thug does thug things, hmph, go figure.

Look, if a man wants to open the door for a lady it’s not as if she can’t do it herself but more so that she shouldnt have to. Am i supposed to just wait for you to open the door for us if i am right there? Or hold it open for you after I’ve already gone through? I hope not, the latter is way less comfortable and both are so inconsiderate i might as well have said out loud “get the door yourdamnself, you grown”. Point is, its a courtesy; like saying “Bless you”. You aren’t out to impose your faith on them. Most people would be weirded out at even the most sincere and gentle “I hope you don’t die.” The response to which still being ‘thank you’. For instance, there is no common saying when someone is in one of those gutteral coughing fits. I used to offer a “Dont die” with coworkers, they weren’t quick on the humor in it though. Ive since moved on to “Bless you” (and changed jobs).

Additionally, acts of chivalry do not mean i’m trying to get in your pants. First off, “do or do not, there is no try”. Second, you flatter yourself. There are many an instance im thinking Trillville when being kind (as in ‘you could never ever ever-ever ever-ever ever ever ever ever… get on my level’ nor ‘lever’) but that doesnt mean i can’t help you have a good day. Additionally, were it that easy to knock it down with you then you definitely would not get it; who knows how many doors your knobs been through. Digression: attention, dudes hollerin at females on the street. If (recalling my favorite to hear)”say lil mama say” worked for you, dont you realize it’s worked for alot of other cats. Cant you do better? No? Darwinism.

So to clarify, chivalry is about respect. If any inequity exists, the chivalrous gent regards a woman with reverence. Not that you should have it easier because you face additional discriminations in society, that solution is debatable in itself, but even if something somehow was agreed upon chivalry wouldn’t even make the list of reparations. First, is that open door, offered seat or whatever minor bit of extended courtesy really making a difference in your life? Have you accomplished your goals now? (”Do you like the things that life is showing you-u-u?”) Second, men don’t have to go through labor (minus Thomas Beatie - congratulations, enjoy). So is it ok if i harbor utmost respect that trauma; it’s how i got here? I acknowledge your importance as the backbone of society. If it weren’t for women we wouldn’t be here (unless you’re a test tube baby) . Lastly, were someone encountering my mother, i’d want them to offer a seat to her, open the door for her, put her before themselves in this most minor of circumstances; just as I hope we all would anyone’s mothers/sisters/daughters/cousins. You don’t piss on people’s graves, you also respect their mothers.

Finally and most important though it is about being a better person. Just ’cause you can be selfish doesn’t mean you have to be. I mean if your on the subway/bus, you’ve been on your feet all day, there are other open seats all around and an old lady/man is standing up… ‘hey, understandable do your thing’. I know I damn sure ain’t laying my nice coat in a puddle for a stranger and definitely would not date anyone who thinks themselves too helpless or too good to walk around the puddle. Actually, I like that my girl tries to thwart my chivalrous attempts; makes me want to be more chivalrous - and perfectly exemplifies the point (she can but doesn’t have to). I’ll spare the tongue-lashing of those with a sense of entitlement spoiled to nearly demand chivalry… last thing they need is attention; besides ‘on life-support’ remember, good luck w/ those demand. To the gents though, barring any outlandish situation, grow up real quick and let a lady or senior have the seat… chances are you will be alright and will have made this society just a tad bit more civilized.

Deuce.