I think what’s the most fascinating about this solar hot mess, is that I keep asking myself, “Why the hell the face of his watch on the side of his arm? His wristband is too loose. He should fix that. And then the song just ends….” That’s the kinda stuff I concentrate on. That I REALLY hope that this dude’s from Houston, or at least TX. Cuz I’d be proud. I’m not really sure what that says about me. No matter, I gotta “walk, befo’ I crawl”.

I was gonna stop there, bout I’m foreal confused. Is he leaving the LONGEST voicemail or what! Damn.

Hey, who said they have to be real?

Don’t be fooled by the charming exterior, this guy’s a badass if I’ve ever seen one. Megatron, the leader of the Deceptions and the main antagonist of almost every incarnation of the Transformers canon. What set this supervillain apart from just about every single villain in cartoon history is how unsettling it is that a cartoon villian can be so real and envoke the same kind of ruthlessness seen in live-action R rated movies. He wasn’t insane, he wasn’t misunderstood. He was smart, violent and very much focused on f***ing anyone up that screwed w/ him. If transformers bled, then Megatron would be floating in a river of it.

Not that I condone murder and torture (I assure you there’s a point to all of this), but while other cartoon villains were tying their enemy up and then leaving the room…Megatron would just shot them, oftentimes point blank. If Megatron was ever arrested, he’d be facing charges, including but not limiting to the following: (7) counts of first degree murder, (57) counts of conspiracy, (4) counts of hijacking, and not to mention mass murder of hundreds of thousands of Cybertronians that refuse to do his bidding. I mean, he transforms into a Nazi gun, tha’s evil.

What’s even more surprising is that I honestly can’t remember a time when Megatron fired his weapon and it didn’t hit someone. Also, I can’t remember when he fired his gun on someone that was more than 10 ft away from him. From taking over an entire planet, to outsmarting the “good guys” every single time, Megatron’s populated a huge list of cartoon and villain firsts. Megatron frequently said “kill” when all other cartoons said “destroy”, and was probably the first villain to be both smarter and stronger than his rival, Prime (who was also badass) was running on pure heart, which actually made him cooler.

I guess what I’ve learned from Megatron’s very brief three year run of tryanny, mass murder, and authoritarian rule was that although, these evils were subtle, it managed to do two things. The first is that Megatron’s depth of character helped flesh out and pave the way for the future roles of villains in cartoons. Megatron was the first real villain, and after him, the days of the one-dimensional megalomaniac without a purpose was gone. For all intents and purposes, Megatron owned a planet already, he was just working on the second.

The second is that because at that young age, I realized just how evil Megatron was, he made Optimus Prime look even more badass for standing up to someone who was clearly stronger, smarter, and had a MUCH bigger army than he. All of Megatron’s evil qualities highlighted the altruistic and righteous qualities in Prime, which I, and many others, valued more. In short, Prime wouldn’t be as tight as he was had it not been for Megatron. Now that’s badass…

If I thought judging things as soon as I see them wasn’t P.C., I wouldn’t have sensed the impending hot mess of failfest that was going to ensue as soon as I saw Yung Humma hand-combing what appeared to be his “man-weave” in the first few seconds of his video “Lemme Smang It”. It was all downhill from there. This video/artists/song/dance fails for several reasons too obvious to even point out. The production, the awkward video girls, the awkward dancing, Charlies Murphy’s evil crackhead twin brother from Bizzaroland, and the 80′s-rific extreme closeups at the end. I’m done.

So fasten your seatbelt and prepare to hop on the LOL-copter as you fly over the epic fail this that is this video….no, wait…experience.

Mexico made a drug bust of 134 tons of marijuana with an estimated street value of roughly $340 million USD and their bright idea was to… burn it. ::sigh::

Mexico. MEXICO!! Ugh, go sit in the corner ’til you learn some foresight.

If you don’t see the problem with this, let me break it down. Mexico gained something worth $340 million and burned it. Sooo Mexico essentially just burned $340 million. Clearly they must be balling since they don’t need what equates to 4.2 billion pesos. Calderon must be in the club making it rain with Arab money while icing. Stunting so hard we should go indict them. They think they’re Big Meech, Larry Hoover, Burning Work… (screeeech) Fail!

AfroThought presents a special edition of “Tell ‘em Why You Mad“:

Lessons From a Super Power…

From here we will explore options Mexico could have taken to not only make better use of this 134 TONS of MARIJUANA but also increase their status internationally.

Option I: Show it!
Announce to your citizens only that you have made a huge drug bust to maybe curb crime by letting them know you actually care about marijuana use and will arrest them. However, don’t intentionally tell the world because then you let the world know just how huge the organized crime is in your nation. I mean 135 tons?! And that’s just your bust. Imagine how much is actually in circulation into and out from your borders. The story will break regardless though, so just try to spin it positively and promote tourism and trade.

Option II: Sell it!! (Secretly of course.)
We know you will do Option I but now that you have it, what do you do with it? Well, this is up to $340 million dollars you stand to gain thanks to organized crime. Not only did you catch a handful of drug traffickers, you made money in the process; approximately 4.2 billion pesos, which I’m sure could be a nice slice into any non-superpower’s account balance.

Option II: Section A
Sell it, albeit covertly to the U.S. marijuana companies. I mean all the production costs for this haul were paid by the drug lords, so now it just needs to be sold. The U.S. companies were going to sell marijuana anyway. Might as well let them inspect it and place bids on it. Again, it’s product that they didn’t have to grow and possibly of higher quality than their current stock. Granted you would work out some agreement with the U.S. government for a cut of the profits. All of this under the table, of course.

Option II: Section B
Sell the haul back to the cartels. Some might be gullible (or high) enough to attempt to buy it back from you. Arrest them. Dumb*sses.

Option II: Section C
Use your best narcotics insiders to sell the drugs back into circulation. That is roughly 4.2 billion pesos ($340 million) that your government could use. You make street value on it while building up enough evidence/capital to eventually launch a huge sting operation and possibly catch the drug lords making this weed and not a handful of product because 134 tons is only approximately 5% of what you catch annually and again that’s only what you catch. So then not only did you make a historic drug bust but then you worked that into substantial drug arrests.

Option III: Flip it
C’mon now, Mexico. Of all the ways to dispose of 134 tons of marijuana… burning?! Really? Aside from the environmental impact, did you not realize the irony?

Apparently weeds make good mulch. Gardeners love mulch.

Maybe you could make a sort of feed for beneficial insects (e.g., silk worms) or other things we don’t eat.

Bury it in unused land whose water table won’t affect the population. Also, arrest anyone who comes and tries to dig it up. Dumb*sses.

IF YOU MUST BURN IT:
Supposedly you can make a high-octane gas out of it.
Or you could have used it as fire fuel in places that we use flames as a power source anyway. There are plenty of places where fire is useful. You couldn’t make small enough quantities to be burned legitimately by various users? Any feelings of levity resulting from said fire would be dismissed as purely coincidental.

Sources:
Mexico makes huge drug bust
What does 134 tons of marijuana on fire look like?
Adios to Mexico’s marijuana haul

“You know you done f*cked up, right?” When you can’t even get a cameo in a farce, you know you’ve gone too far. That means you’ve officially fallen off of the movie level. Oh, sure you have some straight-to-DVD drops coming in the next year or more, but you have definitely maxed out your A-list credit. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

We can’t even say you are a habitual line stepper, that would mean we grew accustomed to your outlandish behavior. From here, you might as well club baby seals, go whaling, become the Simon Cowell of a reality show, etc. Your comeback ante has just been upped to a daunting degree. Granted, I await what PR miracle your team cooks up for you to meander your way back into celebrity’s good graces but still you have major penance to make.

Maybe it was the gradual decline starting with Apocalypto. Maybe it was the anti-Semetic remarks. Maybe it was the male chauvinism. Maybe it was when you went Chris Brown on your jump off. Honestly, I’m not sure what the tipping point was, but you’re star-power needs some Viagra.

Actually, that might not be a bad idea. Be one of those middle-aged guys on the medical ads. Perhaps you should start smaller, take a cue from David Hasselhoff and make a YouTube video that is just embarrassingly lovable enough that America gives you a pass. Trust me, there is a LOT that we will let slide if you entertain us. Ask Kanye West fans.

Sincerely,

Misses Pre Crazy Mel

Source: Mel Gibson dropped from The Hangover sequel

We haven’t done one of these in a while but, when someone so badass comes around, we just gotta point it out. This edition of Afrothought’s Badass of the Moment is Isaiah Mustafa, also known as “The Old Spice Man” or “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like”. The first time I saw the Old Spice commercials, I wasn’t really paying attention (I was in the middle of cooking), but from what I saw I thought it was hilarious. It wasn’t until the second time I watched the commercial in its entirety that I knew I had seen something special. It reminded me of those old Izuzu ads in the late 80s/early 90s. Still, something about the commercial clicked with me and that same thing made me burst into laughter and tears. Since the commercials have been airing, the Old Spice channel on Youtube has been seen over sixteen million times and sales have skyrocketed over one hundred and seventeen percent. That, my friends, is smart advertising.

Isaiah Mustafa is a man’s man. He played as a wide receiver in the NFL for the Oilers, Raiders, Browns, and Seahawks. Dude even played Moses in the 2005 remake of The Last Supper. And now with all the publicity and manly accolades, Hollywood is starting to give a brother some opportunities. Since the commercials, he’s been seen on Ellen, Oprah, signed a talent agreement with NBC, and landed two roles in the upcoming Tyler Perry Movie as well as the Jennifer Aniston/Jason Batemen movie, Horrible Bosses..off of just a few 30 second TV ads. Now that’s impressive. The only thing its seems Mustafa hasn’t been considered for is playing a superhero in an upcoming Marvel movie, although he has expressed interest in playing Luke Cage in the upcoming Marvel movie. All that from one commercial. Now that’s badass. Check out the video below and listen to him explain his latest “one-take” commercial and breakdown of this badassery.

I’ll admit it, I was like everyone else. For the last two years or so, we’ve all been impatiently waiting for the debut album of Mr. Aubrey Drake Graham, our favorite paraplegic basketball player. Okay, who am I kidding? I’ll be flat out honest. I’ve been living under a rock for the passed two years (clearly noted by my lack of recent contributions on this site), so I was waiting for this album for only a few months. Although I hopped on the “Drake-train” late, I enjoyed listening to his music. I paid more attention to the lack of violent content and smooth delivery than his high pitched, whiny-ass voice or the fact that an artist without a debut album can have about 532 songs in constant rotation; so naturally, when “Thank me Later” came out, I grabbed myself a copy. After carefully listening to the album front to back, I realized…I’m Draked Out.

I’m not saying that I can’t stand Drake or that I don’t like him. I just gotta stop listening to his music for a while ’til this buzz wears off a bit because quite frankly if I don’t, he will begin to annoy the hell out of me. And that’s not good. I’ve expressed this with several of my friends who are members of the Church of Drake and rather than explaining the same things to them over and over again, I’ve decided to make this list so I can just give them a URL to go to when they ask me…”Why?”.

6) His Ongoing Internal Struggle with his Supreme Corniness –

Drake is a funny lookin’, doofy lookin’, corny ass dude. I’m not talking about his lyrical content, just the way he carries himself during interviews and public appearances; wide ass smile, goofy laughs and all. But you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. But Drake, we all know you and your personality well enough to know when you’re trying too hard. Yes, you roll with Young Money and a crew of other various goons, but you take pictures with petticoats and are Canadian. You’re not hard. Corny works for Drake and he’d have a easier time selling corny to people than “smooth”. Nerdy is in, so if you’re a nerd then be yourself. As a fellow nerd, I know that the harder you try to sell us “smooth”, the more difficult it becomes to keep the nerdy goofiness from spilling out in an epic failure. Corny people are corny and if you are a corny person, the best thing to do for yourself is to be corny; otherwise, the end result is a giant box of fail. I believe that this is the REAL reason Drake fell on stage. By the way, shout out to Plies for bringing the word “goons” back into my vocabulary (I hate Plies).

5) Lack of Stage Presence –

This is my pet peeve for singers, but typically is not a big deal to me when it comes to rappers. Eminem is one of my favorite rappers of all time and (until very recently) was horrendous on stage; however, something about watching Drake live really pisses me off, almost in the way watching Ashanti perform made me want to tear out my corneas. Come to think of it, it’s not even when he’s live, it’s just him in general. I swear all the guy does is hold one hand out towards the camera and shake it and then cuts through the air with his hand. It’s like the kid read “How to Work the Crowd” by Ben Stein. Seriously…

• Step 1 – Hold an open palm in front of/towards the camera with fingers spread apart.
• Step 2 – Vibrate hand.
• Step 3 – Use hand and cut through the air* (extra points if you do it overly-dramatic)
• Step 4 – NEVER look at the camera. EVER. Always look slightly away from it or just past it.

4) Find Your Love –

I don’t like this song. That is not a reason alone to be tired of an artists, though. There are several songs by artists that I like that I’m not particularly huge fans of (e.g. Hallie’s Song). I think I just don’t like what this song has become, which isn’t really Drake’s fault. People always tell me how versatile of an artist he is because “he can sing!”…

…..

Okay.

First of all… no, he can’t. Secondly, even if he could, the song isn’t good. It’s annoying. Catchy, maybe. But I judge a song on if it’s own merits. Not if the person can sing well. Everyone knows Christina Millian can sing (kinda) but she can’t make a good song for the life of her. Alternatively, Devin the Dude can’t sing worth a damn, but he makes some jammin’ music. People focus on the wrong things here in this song. If they want to talk about his singing accolades, there are plenty of other Drake songs to cite than this trainwreck of a song.

3) Overall Pace of the Album -

I bought Drake’s album because I thought it was potentially going to be one of the best rap albums in recent history. While I do actually enjoy the album, I bought the album because I thought it was potentially going to be one of the best RAP albums in recent history. The overall tone of the album isn’t what I signed up for. I feel tricked. This is probably due to a lack of proper “research” on Drake because if I’d really paid attention to more than two songs on So Far Gone I woulda seen this one coming. I think the album is a breath of fresh air in the rap scene now, but I wanted more of the “I’m Goin’ In”-type Drake, or “Fear”-type Drake, not the “Successful”-type Drake. The album is super sing-songy and I was just praying that it wouldn’t be. Also, all the songs on this album kinda sound exactly the same… that and he says “Yeah!” like 1000x per song.

2) Unnecessary, Unclever, or Just Plain Vacuous Metaphors –

For me, rap’s never really been punchline-centric. In fact, I often get annoyed when rappers use multiple punchlines in their music. That being said, it’s pretty understandable that if you are a rapper, and you want me to like your punchlines, then it has to be damn clever and borderline nerdy…okay, nerdy. I guess this is more of a problem I have with most rap out right now but, in particular, the Young Money Crew as a whole and one other rapper. Let’s call him…Buddahpriss. Anyway, Drake kinda takes this whole poorly-thought-out metaphor thing outta control. In Chapter 2 of that book Drake read, apparently to make a witty line, all you have to do is say one word, pause, then say another word that is vaguely related to it. I can show you better than I can tell you so here are some lines:

• “If I was at the club, you know I ball…chemo.”
• “I race for your love. Shake and Bake…Ricky Bobby.”
• “Bout to set it off, set it off…Jada Pinkett.”
• “I can teach you how to speak my language…Rosetta Stone.”
• “Like a sprained ankle, boy, I ain’t nothing to play with.”

Seriously. I can keep going on, but I’m hoping you can get the point.

1) The Blackberry “Freestyle” -

If you haven’t seen this thing, I’ll post the video. It just made me mad. I think that rap artists should be able to both write and freestyle. When I say ‘freestyle’ I mean make stuff up on the spot, or at least pretend you’re making it up like 90% of the New York rappers that say they are so they can get on the next SMACK DVD. I remember watching “The Basement” on Rap City and waiting to see my favorite rappers freestyle and see if they have any skills on that kind of mic.

The ones who genuinely made stuff up forever gained my respect, and the ones that made it flow got props too. Guys like Obie Trice, Ludacris, Common, Rah Digga, or Eminem. However the artists that spat written rhymes from their single or even worse spat written rhymes and pretended they were making it up pissed me off. So it’s understandable that I hold my breath when a rapper whom I like steps into “the booth”. It’s even more understandable when my face wrinkles in anger when said rapper pulls out the “smartphone” equivalent of an electronic paperweight and READS his rap. This dude didn’t even try! The rap was tight, but damn man. You knew you were coming on the show and even if you didn’t, you should be prepared anyway because it’s your job.

Conclusion –

I like Drake. I just think I have to take a break from his music until I don’t really remember these things. I gotta take this in doses cuz I’m Draked Out.

Discuss…

I’m not doing this for fun. I’m doing this for my children. I’m doing this for the good of humanity. And while I will get an immense amount of personal gratification in doing this, this is a selfless act. This is something that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time, but honestly I haven’t been the best at doing things when I’m supposed to. Call me a bit of a pessimist but I feel that the fate of the American people is going straight to hell.

There’s been signs of the inevitable destruction of our people as evidenced by recent events. I mean seriously, you know the world (or just this hemisphere) is quickly approaching its end when the democrats actually passed a health care reform bill, the best lightweight fighter on earth loses to a kid from Jersey Shore, and the sandwich we all wished (or prayed not) existed…exists. But more importantly than these cataclysmic or unbelievable events is the ever-so-silent killer of American culture, the destruction of our language. Okay, so English isn’t our language but you know what I mean.

I make up words all the time, but at least I know that they are made up words. I would never include these words on papers, anything remotely academic, or professional. However, I’m amazed by the number of people who abuse the English language unintentionally with absolutely no knowledge of their wrongdoing. There’s a difference between spelling “intellegence” wrong (which I think is funny) and using a word completely wrong. One is an accident, the other is borderline enfoolishment.

Anyway, here’s the list...

If this word was a person, they should be shot. Number 10 goes to the word “Random”. I was thinking about saving this word for later but decided to go straight for it. “Random” is one of many words that was popularized in the same place where many equally useless and destructive instruments of popular culture are born, college. I can’t tell you how many times I would hear this word thrown around pointlessly. “Random” was the first word in our adult lives that we learned to mis/overuse. If clichés were narcotics, “random” would be marijuana, the gateway. Most sentences that use “random” can be expressed with equal emphasis and meaning if the word were not present at all.

“So this random guy comes into the store and starts placing random things into his cart, and then…”

versus

“So this guy comes into the store and starts placing items into his cart, and then…”

The point is that “randomness” is related to probability and combinatorics. It is defined as the property of all possibilities for an event to occur being equally likely. So there is nothing random about the guy who walked into the store. He certainly could have been anyone, but that is obvious. What is more important here is that he was nondescript. Randomness has nothing to do with something being nondescript. If the person/thing has no distinct features to separate it from the rest of the fold, then there is no point of using an adjective. Adjectives describe nouns, and if your noun is nondescript, then using an adjective is somewhat perplexing. Why not just say nondescript instead of random?

Ok, this guy really grinds my gears. In the words of the great poet Andre 3000, “If you say ‘real talk’ I prolly won’t trust ya!‘”. Real talk, and any other variation of it (e.g. True Talk, On the Foreal, etc.) are slowly finding their way into everyday usage. There aren’t many things that upset me as much as people who constantly have to verify the credibility of their stories. If you are credible, then you are credible and if you are not, then please find another way to prove that you are. Simply saying Real talk doesn’t do the trick.

Person A: “Dawg, are you gonna believe that nonsense? He’s lying!”

Person 4: “I know, I thought the same thing, but he said ‘real talk’!”

Person A: “Oh SNAAAAP! Nevermind then!”

Get outta here…

If “random” is the marijuana of clichés, then “sketchy” is the vodka. “Sketchy” graduated from the same alma mater as “random”, they took the same classes together and for the most part are the singular reasons that each of them actually graduated. Without “sketchy” calling in that bomb threat during the test “random” didn’t study for, or “random” having sex with the professor to get the answers to “sketchy’s” test, neither one of them would have lasted as long as they have and certainly not have gained as much success as they have post-graduation. The only reason that “sketchy” is further down on this list is because people actually use the word (somewhat) correctly, but it’s just overkill. In college, I let it slide. Any usage after your baccalaureate is simply unacceptable.

Regionally, we prefer to use the word shady, and we don’t even use that a lot. But sketchy seemed to be a non-Southern alternative to this word, and the non-South was determined to reign supreme and use it so much, “shady” would ever regret being born. ‘Sketchy’ was fun for a while, then it began to get old and annoying. So much so to the point that everytime you hear it you get upset and can’t stop thinking about how much you’d rather it not call you ever again. Kind of like when your reliable booty call starts getting fat and you realize she’s not that good anyway. I’m not gonna harp on this word too much but I am going to put it like this:

If you have a favorite dish, say Beef Stroganoff, that your mum makes for you every Tuesday, then certainly you’d appreciate it. But imagine if your mom calls you a freaking loser repeatedly and spits in it. Then pours milk and beer on the beef. Then she force feeds it to you while yelling insults at you. Now imagine she does this everyday. You’d quickly get tired of this crap.

Not the best or most direct analogy, actually it was horrible, but that is how I feel about the word “sketchy”.

Now this word really bothers me. Unlike the other words on this list, this word only gets me going in the field of academics and it’s in this setting that this word makes me want to face palm anyone who says it in the following way. While sitting through a student computer science symposium, a student presented a paper about a modification he made to a progressive meshing algorithm for reducing the size of polygon meshes and maintaining the silhouette. His explanation was anything but simple, his math complex, and his rhetoric, advanced.

As it should be, it wasn’t a simple topic. He was very well prepared with charts, graphs, images, the whole nine yards. Yet throughout the whole presentation he kept saying, “Basically, you have…” and “You just simply…”, which I found offensive. Not that I wasn’t able to grasp the concept he was talking about, it was just that I knew they were not basic. It’s neither simple nor basic. In fact, if he had been simplifying what he was saying then it’d be appropriate. Instead, he was simply explaining what he was saying. And even if it is basic…do you have to say it’s basic?

Isnt’ it ironic? Actually, no. It’s not ironic at all. It’s more of a coincidence or happenstance, or just plain unfortunate. Not situational, dramatic, or verbal. There is no irony present. I had a problem with this as early as the early-90s, but the Jagged Little Pill that infected us all was too strong. In our state of euphoria, we all let it slide and, as a result, forgot we’d opened Pandora’s Jar. Yes, it was a jar, not a box. When people tell me how ironic something is, I’d say about 87-96% of the time, there is nothing ironic about the subject (and yes I’ve counted). When this happens, I want to impale the person with a barrage of insults masked in a lecture on proper usage of literary devices. The whole thing can be summed up in the following picture. Just today when I was looking online, I ran into this piece of horrid nonsense. For the protection of the innocent, I’ve blurred out the names despite the fact that they are neither innocent nor deserve protection from a verbal assault. Nonsense.

Seriously?

Man. This one is the posterboy for bastardized expressions. This one couldn’t be more bastardized if it’s father left his mother upon hearing the news of his conception. It couldn’t be more bastardized if it was born of a virgin. The misuse of i.e. is almost as annoying as people who use IM language in real life, but not quite THAT annoying. If you ask anyone what “i.e.” means when used in an editorial aside, they’re likely to say “for example”. Promptly slap them. Choose your attack according to your feelings. Remember, a backhand says that they are beneath you and a forward slap expresses the disdain you have for them. Either is fine, so it’s up to you.

“I.E.” does NOT mean “for example”. I.E. is an abbreviation for “illud est” which means “in other words” or “that is to say” and all too often confused with e.g. (exempli gratia) which means “for the sake of example” or just “for example”.

No I know what you may be thinking,

“What did i.e. do to you?”

The answer is nothing. People did something to it. I feel that I have to save i.e. from perceptual abuse. It’s for this reason that I don’t want to ban i.e., I simply want to put everyone on probation and forbid anyone from using it until the probation has ended. At this point, the topics of “should we let people use this word?” and “Have people learned how to use this correctly?” should be examined. If the answer is no to either question, i.e. would need to be immediately destroyed and erased from existence in English; however, it’s Latin origin may remain in tact should we ever need to bring this word back into play. You have been warned.

Time to get downright EVIL. It’s the final four and it’s time for the worst of the worst words responsible for destroying our language and culture. Again, slang is slang. But these words are so vile that they have no place in everyday talk. I admit, certain words/expressions annoy me more than others and “lowkey” is one of them. This is because “lowkey” is a slang word. So when people misuse a slang word incorrectly, it really highlights how completely ridiculous the whole thing is. I don’t even really think I gotta explain this one much but for shits and giggles I think I’ll do it anyway.

As previously mentioned, “lowkey” is slang, so to define it I’ll have to make reference to either the creator of all slang or the Urban Dictionary. The Urban Dictionary defines “lowkey” as the following:

Awww. Gotta love the urban dictionary. Despite this widely accepted definition, people continuously publicly proclaim lowkey things and thereby remove all of the secrecy they are trying to associate with them. This is especially true with people from the Bay Area, but those people have way too many issues to even begin to address now. Peep the image below.

Case and Point.

Technically, this word doesn’t even mean anything anymore. What do people mean when they start a sentence off with “technically”? No seriously. Think about three hypothetical arguments in which the sentences start off with the word “technically“. Go on, I’ll give you a second…

Ok, now change the sentence around so that it says the exact opposite of the original and leave technically at the beginning of the sentence. Hopefully, you should be able to tell that the argument you are using isn’t really about any particular technicality. It’s most likely based on opinion or conjecture. Even worse, it may be entirely vacuous to the whole argument or point.

e.g. Technically, a square IS a rectangle – No, this isn’t a technicality, it’s a definition. And speaking of the words technicality and definition. Isn’t a technicality a piece of information about a subject that is vastly considered insignificant? Why then would so many people preface their arguments with technically as if it were to validate the crux of their argument? It’s either that or they are referring to the argument being of technical nature, which typically it is not or already understood. Technically has made it’s way into the top three because, whereas the other words on this list have been a combination of being misused, misspelled, and generally annoying, “technically” has really ceased to have any meaning whatsoever in common everyday talk.

I am fully aware there are instances where “technically” can be applied correctly, but the fact of the matter is that you don’t use them. Ever. If I were the word technically, I’d be pissed off at you and everyone else for making my once great ass insignificant like how no one remembers who was really on the moon first. Hey, someone had to hold the camera while he filmed Armstrong saying his classic line. Yeh, that guy is PISSED. And I’m sure technically is too.

If you do not know why this word is on this list, you are the problem. If you said this word in the past year, go and slap yourself. You are the real reason those puppies are sad in the ASPCA commercials w/ Sarah McLachlan. Everytime you use this word, I can feel my brain crying. I need to stop referring to this as a word because, well…it isn’t one. Along those lines, it’s an “unword”. As a matter of fact, it’s an epitome of “unwords”. I honestly don’t even know how this word came to be.

We had a perfectly good word in “regardless” but I bet someone wanted to “turn it up a notch”. It’s like someone tried to use “irrelevant” and just completely missed the mark. Saying irregardless is the verbal equivalent of going in between your legs off of an alley-oop and laying the ball up…in a dunk contest.

Satan in literary form. Our list concludes with the worst “nonword” ever invented, conversate. Even as I typed that my heart skipped a beat. My computer’s spell check raised it’s brow and my monitor blinked as if it were saying, “Wtf dude, really?!”. This word has found its way into the vocabulary of people from all walks of life, social class, gender, and ethnicity. I guess you could look at it this way: Despite all our differences, we can still come together and misuse even the simplest of words.

I can’t stress this enough,

Basically what I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty ironic that, irregardless of what you may think, conversate is not technically a word. Real Talk.

I’m done.

DISCLAIMER: Clearly this is particular to my experience and I don’t mean everybody. But I’m in the heat of the moment and I want to generalize. Besides, if majority rules…

I am officially disappointed in everyone. People really suck, and no, I’m not jaded. People just never make sense. I’m so angry about this, because I see the logic in each situation. I am a reasonable person. I have a good grasp on reality. When I screw up, I’ll say so; and when people screw up, I’ll say that too. And when people just fail, it continues to disappoint me and makes me realize more and more how much people… well… suck.

I feel like I’m saying, “Hey look over here, I’m awesome. Sometimes a little goofy… but overall awesome, wanna go out??” And everyone who is single is like “Hmmmmm. Nah, not right now…” or “Umm, I’d rather settle.” I mean, really? You’re gonna settle? I’m giving you the choice of a big juicy steak (or whatever your favorite meal is) or just a pickle and in your dumbassery you say “Umm, I’ll take the pickle.” REALLY? Ol’ settling ass!! Anyway, now that I’ve told you how people suck, how about I paint a completely hypothetical picture for you?

Tell ‘em Why You Mad
So… boy likes girl when she is not ready, and when girl wants boy, boy says ‘I’m not ready.’ Hmmm, is this a game? Did I forget to bring my mitt to this boring game of toss the interest? I mean, clearly people like to play games.
Why would you try your hardest to convince someone to be with you, when they have just told you they were not ready? Maybe they are ‘damaged’ from their previous relationship? Maybe they’ll tell you that they need some time. Maybe when the time comes, you’re like “Well, no I don’t want to try…” Hold up. Okay, you wanted to try when the person wasn’t trying; and now that they are trying, you don’t want to try? You = stupid, dumdum, goofy ass, just overall incompetent. Yes that is you, and yes, you fail at life.

I honestly believe that you can’t be nice to people and you can’t make anything easy for them BECAUSE THEY ARE STUPID!!!!! I’ve gotten so much farther being a bitch, rather than being the fun-loving, caring, awesomesity that is me. (Not conceited, just giving myself some props). Even still, the most annoying part of this completely hypothetical situation is that a small part of me was questioning, “Do I really want to date this person? Do I really want to try?” He is awesome, but now he has totally proven that he is just part of the goofy-ass herd that is walking away from the water. Really? WOW! I mean, I can only do so much. I’ve basically prepared this great meal, filled up your fork, placed it in your mouth and your stupid confused insecure ass won’t chew!! I officially dislike you strongly. Basically, I’m off you. I’m off every damn thing!! Excuse my language.

So this situation leads me to the place where I am now, confused. I’m just not gonna try; ‘cause when you don’t try, you don’t get hurt or disappointed. I mean, I went a whole year not trying and I had a blast! Now I’m trying and it is lame, I mean really lame.

Relationships are supposed to be fun, but this sucks. What sucks even more is that I seem to connect better with guys who are IN RELATIONSHIPS. Really? It’s like, “Hey! I’m awesome and you’re awesome and…. oooh wait, you have a girlfriend. Oooh and you’ve been dating for 2 yrs. Oooh and your moving in together in August. How flipping lovely! (Damn you and your happy ass girlfriend! I hate you.)

I’ve tried to analyze this conundrum I seem to have found myself in, done some soul searching, talked to friends and these guys in relationships and wonder… is it me?? Am I doing something wrong? Is there something I am not realizing that I need to change?? The response is always the same, “Oooh just wait, when the time is right it will happen” or “You’re awesome and if people don’t realize this, then they are stupid.” I hate that! I love you, friends, but stop telling me how great I am and how everyone else is stupid. I mean, are people really that stupid? Am I really that great that I’m still single? I’m not in a super rush to be “in a relationship”; I just want to hang out with ONE PERSON who make sense.

I mean COME ON!! I’m just so fed up with everyone. I have officially decided not to try. I am going to just go to school, work, and play and if anyone can keep up, I’ll rock their world! Until then I’ll be in my own.