Badass of the Moment: Isaiah Mustafa

We haven’t done one of these in a while but, when someone so badass comes around, we just gotta point it out. This edition of Afrothought’s Badass of the Moment is Isaiah Mustafa, also known as “The Old Spice Man” or “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like”. The first time I saw the Old Spice commercials, I wasn’t really paying attention (I was in the middle of cooking), but from what I saw I thought it was hilarious. It wasn’t until the second time I watched the commercial in its entirety that I knew I had seen something special. It reminded me of those old Izuzu ads in the late 80s/early 90s. Still, something about the commercial clicked with me and that same thing made me burst into laughter and tears. Since the commercials have been airing, the Old Spice channel on Youtube has been seen over sixteen million times and sales have skyrocketed over one hundred and seventeen percent. That, my friends, is smart advertising.

Isaiah Mustafa is a man’s man. He played as a wide receiver in the NFL for the Oilers, Raiders, Browns, and Seahawks. Dude even played Moses in the 2005 remake of The Last Supper. And now with all the publicity and manly accolades, Hollywood is starting to give a brother some opportunities. Since the commercials, he’s been seen on Ellen, Oprah, signed a talent agreement with NBC, and landed two roles in the upcoming Tyler Perry Movie as well as the Jennifer Aniston/Jason Batemen movie, Horrible Bosses..off of just a few 30 second TV ads. Now that’s impressive. The only thing its seems Mustafa hasn’t been considered for is playing a superhero in an upcoming Marvel movie, although he has expressed interest in playing Luke Cage in the upcoming Marvel movie. All that from one commercial. Now that’s badass. Check out the video below and listen to him explain his latest “one-take” commercial and breakdown of this badassery.

Top 6 Reasons I’m Draked Out

I’ll admit it, I was like everyone else. For the last two years or so, we’ve all been impatiently waiting for the debut album of Mr. Aubrey Drake Graham, our favorite paraplegic basketball player. Okay, who am I kidding? I’ll be flat out honest. I’ve been living under a rock for the passed two years (clearly noted by my lack of recent contributions on this site), so I was waiting for this album for only a few months. Although I hopped on the “Drake-train” late, I enjoyed listening to his music. I paid more attention to the lack of violent content and smooth delivery than his high pitched, whiny-ass voice or the fact that an artist without a debut album can have about 532 songs in constant rotation; so naturally, when “Thank me Later” came out, I grabbed myself a copy. After carefully listening to the album front to back, I realized…I’m Draked Out.

I’m not saying that I can’t stand Drake or that I don’t like him. I just gotta stop listening to his music for a while ’til this buzz wears off a bit because quite frankly if I don’t, he will begin to annoy the hell out of me. And that’s not good. I’ve expressed this with several of my friends who are members of the Church of Drake and rather than explaining the same things to them over and over again, I’ve decided to make this list so I can just give them a URL to go to when they ask me…”Why?”.

6) His Ongoing Internal Struggle with his Supreme Corniness –

Drake is a funny lookin’, doofy lookin’, corny ass dude. I’m not talking about his lyrical content, just the way he carries himself during interviews and public appearances; wide ass smile, goofy laughs and all. But you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. But Drake, we all know you and your personality well enough to know when you’re trying too hard. Yes, you roll with Young Money and a crew of other various goons, but you take pictures with petticoats and are Canadian. You’re not hard. Corny works for Drake and he’d have a easier time selling corny to people than “smooth”. Nerdy is in, so if you’re a nerd then be yourself. As a fellow nerd, I know that the harder you try to sell us “smooth”, the more difficult it becomes to keep the nerdy goofiness from spilling out in an epic failure. Corny people are corny and if you are a corny person, the best thing to do for yourself is to be corny; otherwise, the end result is a giant box of fail. I believe that this is the REAL reason Drake fell on stage. By the way, shout out to Plies for bringing the word “goons” back into my vocabulary (I hate Plies).

5) Lack of Stage Presence –

This is my pet peeve for singers, but typically is not a big deal to me when it comes to rappers. Eminem is one of my favorite rappers of all time and (until very recently) was horrendous on stage; however, something about watching Drake live really pisses me off, almost in the way watching Ashanti perform made me want to tear out my corneas. Come to think of it, it’s not even when he’s live, it’s just him in general. I swear all the guy does is hold one hand out towards the camera and shake it and then cuts through the air with his hand. It’s like the kid read “How to Work the Crowd” by Ben Stein. Seriously…

• Step 1 – Hold an open palm in front of/towards the camera with fingers spread apart.
• Step 2 – Vibrate hand.
• Step 3 – Use hand and cut through the air* (extra points if you do it overly-dramatic)
• Step 4 – NEVER look at the camera. EVER. Always look slightly away from it or just past it.

4) Find Your Love –

I don’t like this song. That is not a reason alone to be tired of an artists, though. There are several songs by artists that I like that I’m not particularly huge fans of (e.g. Hallie’s Song). I think I just don’t like what this song has become, which isn’t really Drake’s fault. People always tell me how versatile of an artist he is because “he can sing!”…

…..

Okay.

First of all… no, he can’t. Secondly, even if he could, the song isn’t good. It’s annoying. Catchy, maybe. But I judge a song on if it’s own merits. Not if the person can sing well. Everyone knows Christina Millian can sing (kinda) but she can’t make a good song for the life of her. Alternatively, Devin the Dude can’t sing worth a damn, but he makes some jammin’ music. People focus on the wrong things here in this song. If they want to talk about his singing accolades, there are plenty of other Drake songs to cite than this trainwreck of a song.

3) Overall Pace of the Album -

I bought Drake’s album because I thought it was potentially going to be one of the best rap albums in recent history. While I do actually enjoy the album, I bought the album because I thought it was potentially going to be one of the best RAP albums in recent history. The overall tone of the album isn’t what I signed up for. I feel tricked. This is probably due to a lack of proper “research” on Drake because if I’d really paid attention to more than two songs on So Far Gone I woulda seen this one coming. I think the album is a breath of fresh air in the rap scene now, but I wanted more of the “I’m Goin’ In”-type Drake, or “Fear”-type Drake, not the “Successful”-type Drake. The album is super sing-songy and I was just praying that it wouldn’t be. Also, all the songs on this album kinda sound exactly the same… that and he says “Yeah!” like 1000x per song.

2) Unnecessary, Unclever, or Just Plain Vacuous Metaphors –

For me, rap’s never really been punchline-centric. In fact, I often get annoyed when rappers use multiple punchlines in their music. That being said, it’s pretty understandable that if you are a rapper, and you want me to like your punchlines, then it has to be damn clever and borderline nerdy…okay, nerdy. I guess this is more of a problem I have with most rap out right now but, in particular, the Young Money Crew as a whole and one other rapper. Let’s call him…Buddahpriss. Anyway, Drake kinda takes this whole poorly-thought-out metaphor thing outta control. In Chapter 2 of that book Drake read, apparently to make a witty line, all you have to do is say one word, pause, then say another word that is vaguely related to it. I can show you better than I can tell you so here are some lines:

• “If I was at the club, you know I ball…chemo.”
• “I race for your love. Shake and Bake…Ricky Bobby.”
• “Bout to set it off, set it off…Jada Pinkett.”
• “I can teach you how to speak my language…Rosetta Stone.”
• “Like a sprained ankle, boy, I ain’t nothing to play with.”

Seriously. I can keep going on, but I’m hoping you can get the point.

1) The Blackberry “Freestyle” -

If you haven’t seen this thing, I’ll post the video. It just made me mad. I think that rap artists should be able to both write and freestyle. When I say ‘freestyle’ I mean make stuff up on the spot, or at least pretend you’re making it up like 90% of the New York rappers that say they are so they can get on the next SMACK DVD. I remember watching “The Basement” on Rap City and waiting to see my favorite rappers freestyle and see if they have any skills on that kind of mic.

The ones who genuinely made stuff up forever gained my respect, and the ones that made it flow got props too. Guys like Obie Trice, Ludacris, Common, Rah Digga, or Eminem. However the artists that spat written rhymes from their single or even worse spat written rhymes and pretended they were making it up pissed me off. So it’s understandable that I hold my breath when a rapper whom I like steps into “the booth”. It’s even more understandable when my face wrinkles in anger when said rapper pulls out the “smartphone” equivalent of an electronic paperweight and READS his rap. This dude didn’t even try! The rap was tight, but damn man. You knew you were coming on the show and even if you didn’t, you should be prepared anyway because it’s your job.

Conclusion –

I like Drake. I just think I have to take a break from his music until I don’t really remember these things. I gotta take this in doses cuz I’m Draked Out.

Discuss…

Top 10 Words that Should be Banned From English

I’m not doing this for fun. I’m doing this for my children. I’m doing this for the good of humanity. And while I will get an immense amount of personal gratification in doing this, this is a selfless act. This is something that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time, but honestly I haven’t been the best at doing things when I’m supposed to. Call me a bit of a pessimist but I feel that the fate of the American people is going straight to hell. Read more

Is it me or…?

DISCLAIMER: Clearly this is particular to my experience and I don’t mean everybody. But I’m in the heat of the moment and I want to generalize. Besides, if majority rules…

I am officially disappointed in everyone. People really suck, and no, I’m not jaded. People just never make sense. I’m so angry about this, because I see the logic in each situation. I am a reasonable person. I have a good grasp on reality. When I screw up, I’ll say so; and when people screw up, I’ll say that too. And when people just fail, it continues to disappoint me and makes me realize more and more how much people… well… suck. Read more

Rubberneckers

What are YOU looking at?!

You have twenty-six minutes left to get to your destination and, of course, there is traffic. One accident you accounted for, no problem. That second accident less than a mile up the same stretch of road, however, is the perfect situational “screw you”  requisite for reassessing your good deeds over the last week. As you near the flashing lights you discover the bane of many motorist’s life; the accident isn’t even on your side of the road. On top of that, there is a barrier between your side and that side. Meaning at 75mph you still present no threat to the parties in said accident save maybe a strong gust of wind and one of the coolest effects in the aural realm (eeeeyyurrrrmmm). Keep it moving! Read more

Let Me Clear My Throat

The Setup:

At some Wal-Mart in Washington Township, New Jersey, a male voice announces over the PA system that “all Black people leave the store now.”
Read more

The Platonic Road Fork – Part I

It’s been a while since I’ve shared one of my theories with you all, so  I’m more than happy to share the newest installment of the Genius Theories. As with every Genius Theory, I gotta give you the background first.

The Background

This story starts off with a friend whom we will call Lyle, because it sounds funny. During a water break at the gym, my friend Lyle began to retell his Valentine’s Day disaster story from this passed month. Two months back, at a friend’s party, Lyle met a very very attractive Pretty Lady. Lyle and Pretty Lady struck up a conversation and seemed to hit it off, eventually exchanging phone numbers. Thus began a long string of hour-and-a-half long phone conversations.

Read more

The Platonic Road Fork – Part II

…continued from: The Platonic Road Fork – Part I

Before I started explaining the situation to my friend, I paused. Just to make sure I wasn’t jumping the gun, I asked a few questions first because Lyle’s story sounded like there was much that he conveniently left out. I asked him a few questions and these are some of the things I uncovered:

• Since the very beginning of the relationship, Lyle speaks with her a few times a day, just about everyday.
• Lyle has thrice taken Pretty Lady out on extravagant dinners and outings.
• Every time Lyle makes a flirtatious comment to Pretty Lady, she tells him to stop or that it makes her uncomfortable.
• Lyle buys Pretty Lady “Just Because” presents for no reason such as appliances, home decor, etc.
• Lyle gets jealous when he’s around guys that she is dating or brings them up in conversation.
• Pretty Lady could care less who Lyle dates and sometimes encourages him in his relationships.

The truth is that Lyle has no chance. Like none. But what is worse is that he’s doing everything wrong.

Read more

Eeney Meeney Miney Mo…

Source: BBC News – Golf icon Tiger Woods faces police questions over crash

(BBC News) Police are expected to question world number one golfer Tiger Woods later on Saturday more than a day after a car crash outside his Florida home.
The star was found semi-conscious with facial injuries after his car reportedly hit a fire hydrant and tree.
Officers were told Woods’ wife Elin had used a golf club to break the rear window of the car and help him out after the accident early on Friday.
The 14-time major champion was admitted to hospital and later released.

____________Editorial______________
There are TWO Black men that are not allowed to EVER break the law. Tiger Woods and Barack Obama. Tiger… your f*cking up!!
(And yes, all subtext with the nursery rhyme and it’s various controversial presentations is completely intentional. C’mon now… we’re AfroThought.)

Badass of the Week: Anderson Silva

Anderson “The Spider” Silva

Yep, I had to do it. If this dude’s not bad, then you just don’t even know the meaning of the word. This weekend, Anderson Silva fought top Light Heavyweight Contender Forrest Griffin in the UFC. Now say what you want about Forrest, but the guy can fight. He may not be Top 10 (in my opinion he’s not), he may be drastically overrated, but he’s above the halfway point of the division. For those who don’t understand or are aware of what exactly happened Saturday Night, let me set it up.

Anderson Silva is currently the reigning UFC Middleweight Champion (185 lbs). He’s basically demolished everyone in his path for the last several years and has only be truly defeated three times before. His highlight reel is one of the most jaw dropping in MMA. What makes this more fascinating is that the people he humiliates are top of the line contenders and is somehow able to make them look like they don’t belong in the cage/ring with him. Furthermore, the guy has a career striking accuracy is much higher than anyone’s in the sport.

Over the course of his career, Silva’s average striking accuracy per-fight is an even 70%. To give some context, the average fighter’s accuracy is around 35%, and Silva’s opponents’ accuracy in their fights against him is 24%. That means Silva is twice as accurate as your standard fighter and nearly three times as accurate as the people fighting against him. His footwork and technique are such that not only does he connect, he also makes his opponents miss. – Yahoo! Sports

You know you’re a bad moFo when you knock someone out while you’re backpedaling with your WEAK hand. You know you’re a badass when you can stand 1 foot from your opponent with your hands at your side and not only not get touched, but somehow manage to dodge everything that is thrown at you. Seriously, I’m not even gonna talk too much about this cuz words don’t do it. Just watch the video.

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