Riff Raff – Nintendo Freestyle: 1000% Win

Just as I was about to crawl into bed and wake up tomorrow only to begin another souless week at work, I decided to delay the inevitable and jump on Youtube. I’m not even sure how I stumbled up on this, but I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen so much heavily-concentrated win in my life. I might be late, but within the last 20 minutes, this song/video has become an important part of my life. A bullet to the dome couldn’t stop the endless loop of this song from my mindgrapes.

I think what’s the most fascinating about this solar hot mess, is that I keep asking myself, “Why the hell the face of his watch on the side of his arm? His wristband is too loose. He should fix that. And then the song just ends….” That’s the kinda stuff I concentrate on. That I REALLY hope that this dude’s from Houston, or at least TX. Cuz I’d be proud. I’m not really sure what that says about me. No matter, I gotta “walk, befo’ I crawl”.

I was gonna stop there, bout I’m foreal confused. Is he leaving the LONGEST voicemail or what! Damn.

Afrothought Salutes: Megatron

Hey, who said they have to be real?

Don’t be fooled by the charming exterior, this guy’s a badass if I’ve ever seen one. Megatron, the leader of the Deceptions and the main antagonist of almost every incarnation of the Transformers canon. What set this supervillain apart from just about every single villain in cartoon history is how unsettling it is that a cartoon villian can be so real and envoke the same kind of ruthlessness seen in live-action R rated movies. He wasn’t insane, he wasn’t misunderstood. He was smart, violent and very much focused on f***ing anyone up that screwed w/ him. If transformers bled, then Megatron would be floating in a river of it. Read more

Fail: Yung Humma

My parents are rarely wrong when it comes to how to judge perceived human interactions. Their brand of tough love and harsh reality may have made me a slightly jaded individual, but it kept me from falling for the dumb ish all the other kids clearly accepted as the truth. While other kids were worshiping Santa Claus and the Hanukkah Harry, I was in the back of the kindergarten class smirking about how mentally superior I was to my classmates and played with the Flintstone Phone. I knew that the Muppets weren’t real, Mr. Rogers was a pedophile, and Big Bird was a transgendered Caucasian (and apparently the only Caucasian animal on Seasame Street). When people told me “You can’t judge a book by its cover”, I was the kid that told them “F**k that, you can go to an interview in jeans, I’m wearing a suit”.

If I thought judging things as soon as I see them wasn’t P.C., I wouldn’t have sensed the impending hot mess of failfest that was going to ensue as soon as I saw Yung Humma hand-combing what appeared to be his “man-weave” in the first few seconds of his video “Lemme Smang It”. It was all downhill from there. This video/artists/song/dance fails for several reasons too obvious to even point out. The production, the awkward video girls, the awkward dancing, Charlies Murphy’s evil crackhead twin brother from Bizzaroland, and the 80′s-rific extreme closeups at the end. I’m done.

So fasten your seatbelt and prepare to hop on the LOL-copter as you fly over the epic fail this that is this video….no, wait…experience.

Afrothought Salutes: Phill Wade

Mexico is Blowing Money Fast

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait wait wait wait, wa-i-i-i-i-it a minute!!

Mexico made a drug bust of 134 tons of marijuana with an estimated street value of roughly $340 million USD and their bright idea was to… burn it. ::sigh::

Mexico. MEXICO!! Ugh, go sit in the corner ’til you learn some foresight.

If you don’t see the problem with this, let me break it down. Read more

A Letter to Mad Mel Gibson

Dear Mel,

“You know you done f*cked up, right?” When you can’t even get a cameo in a farce, you know you’ve gone too far. That means you’ve officially fallen off of the movie level. Oh, sure you have some straight-to-DVD drops coming in the next year or more, but you have definitely maxed out your A-list credit. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Read more

Afrothought Salutes: Isaiah Mustafa

We haven’t done one of these in a while but, when someone so badass comes around, we just gotta point it out. This edition of Afrothought’s Badass of the Moment is Isaiah Mustafa, also known as “The Old Spice Man” or “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like”. The first time I saw the Old Spice commercials, I wasn’t really paying attention (I was in the middle of cooking), but from what I saw I thought it was hilarious. It wasn’t until the second time I watched the commercial in its entirety that I knew I had seen something special. It reminded me of those old Izuzu ads in the late 80s/early 90s. Still, something about the commercial clicked with me and that same thing made me burst into laughter and tears. Since the commercials have been airing, the Old Spice channel on Youtube has been seen over sixteen million times and sales have skyrocketed over one hundred and seventeen percent. That, my friends, is smart advertising.

Isaiah Mustafa is a man’s man. He played as a wide receiver in the NFL for the Oilers, Raiders, Browns, and Seahawks. Dude even played Moses in the 2005 remake of The Last Supper. And now with all the publicity and manly accolades, Hollywood is starting to give a brother some opportunities. Since the commercials, he’s been seen on Ellen, Oprah, signed a talent agreement with NBC, and landed two roles in the upcoming Tyler Perry Movie as well as the Jennifer Aniston/Jason Batemen movie, Horrible Bosses..off of just a few 30 second TV ads. Now that’s impressive. The only thing its seems Mustafa hasn’t been considered for is playing a superhero in an upcoming Marvel movie, although he has expressed interest in playing Luke Cage in the upcoming Marvel movie. All that from one commercial. Now that’s badass. Check out the video below and listen to him explain his latest “one-take” commercial and breakdown of this badassery.

Top 6 Reasons I’m Draked Out

I’ll admit it, I was like everyone else. For the last two years or so, we’ve all been impatiently waiting for the debut album of Mr. Aubrey Drake Graham, our favorite paraplegic basketball player. Okay, who am I kidding? I’ll be flat out honest. I’ve been living under a rock for the passed two years (clearly noted by my lack of recent contributions on this site), so I was waiting for this album for only a few months. Although I hopped on the “Drake-train” late, I enjoyed listening to his music. I paid more attention to the lack of violent content and smooth delivery than his high pitched, whiny-ass voice or the fact that an artist without a debut album can have about 532 songs in constant rotation; so naturally, when “Thank me Later” came out, I grabbed myself a copy. After carefully listening to the album front to back, I realized…I’m Draked Out. Read more

Top 10 Words that Should be Banned From English

I’m not doing this for fun. I’m doing this for my children. I’m doing this for the good of humanity. And while I will get an immense amount of personal gratification in doing this, this is a selfless act. This is something that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time, but honestly I haven’t been the best at doing things when I’m supposed to. Call me a bit of a pessimist but I feel that the fate of the American people is going straight to hell. Read more

Is it me or…?

DISCLAIMER: Clearly this is particular to my experience and I don’t mean everybody. But I’m in the heat of the moment and I want to generalize. Besides, if majority rules…

I am officially disappointed in everyone. People really suck, and no, I’m not jaded. People just never make sense. I’m so angry about this, because I see the logic in each situation. I am a reasonable person. I have a good grasp on reality. When I screw up, I’ll say so; and when people screw up, I’ll say that too. And when people just fail, it continues to disappoint me and makes me realize more and more how much people… well… suck. Read more

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