The Platonic Road Fork – Part I

It’s been a while since I’ve shared one of my theories with you all, so  I’m more than happy to share the newest installment of the Genius Theories. As with every Genius Theory, I gotta give you the background first.

The Background

This story starts off with a friend whom we will call Lyle, because it sounds funny. During a water break at the gym, my friend Lyle began to retell his Valentine’s Day disaster story from this passed month. Two months back, at a friend’s party, Lyle met a very very attractive Pretty Lady. Lyle and Pretty Lady struck up a conversation and seemed to hit it off, eventually exchanging phone numbers. Thus began a long string of hour-and-a-half long phone conversations.

Lyle and Pretty Lady talked about everything: life, sports, food, movies, politics, everything. Every so often, Lyle found himself spending the wee hours of the night on Pretty Lady’s couch after an evening of great food and a movie. However, just like any “platonic” relationship, Lyle began to catch feelings for Pretty Lady, hard. Lyle knew in his heart that he and Pretty Lady would make a great couple because they seemed to be in sync on almost every level. Lyle could talk to her about anything and she seemed to relate to that, as if they just  clicked. Lyle was sure she’d see this too.

Soon, Lyle decided that he’d spent enough time hanging out with Pretty Lady and decided to ask her out. Lyle carefully hatched a plan to take her out on Valentine’s Day, as she had no date. Lyle showed up at Pretty Lady’s door with a fist full of flowers and told her,

“We’re going out today. Who needs a Valentine!”. And with that, they were off.

After a fun afternoon of boating and an evening show, at dinner, Lyle decided that the time was right to tell Pretty Lady how he felt. Lyle began his speech about how great she is and how much they should be together and just knew she’d see it too. Negative. Pretty Lady looked Lyle dead in the eye and with a sympathetic but assertive look told him that,

“I don’t see you that way. You’re my friend and I want to keep it that way”.

Needless to say, Lyle spent the rest of the awkward night wishing for an end that never seemed to come.

After a few days of self pity, Lyle continued to talk to Pretty Lady on the phone, almost nightly and they resumed their “normal” relationship. Lyle’s heart was tearing. He knew that she should see him as “more than friends” but had probably just missed something. Lyle approached me for advice and asked,

“How do I get out of the ‘Friend-Zone’ and get her to like me? Moreover, how can I continue to be her friend when I have such intense feelings for her? If we connect so deeply, how come I can’t convert?”

As always, I had to hit Lyle with the Truth.

Check out Part II of “Genius Theory: The Platonic Road Fork”

The Platonic Road Fork – Part II

…continued from: The Platonic Road Fork – Part I

Before I started explaining the situation to my friend, I paused. Just to make sure I wasn’t jumping the gun, I asked a few questions first because Lyle’s story sounded like there was much that he conveniently left out. I asked him a few questions and these are some of the things I uncovered:

• Since the very beginning of the relationship, Lyle speaks with her a few times a day, just about everyday.
• Lyle has thrice taken Pretty Lady out on extravagant dinners and outings.
• Every time Lyle makes a flirtatious comment to Pretty Lady, she tells him to stop or that it makes her uncomfortable.
• Lyle buys Pretty Lady “Just Because” presents for no reason such as appliances, home decor, etc.
• Lyle gets jealous when he’s around guys that she is dating or brings them up in conversation.
• Pretty Lady could care less who Lyle dates and sometimes encourages him in his relationships.

The truth is that Lyle has no chance. Like none. But what is worse is that he’s doing everything wrong.

The Theory

There is no official formula for getting out of the “friend zone”, but as it is with most things, prevention is better than cure. I told Lyle that his biggest mistake was not paying any attention to what I call the “Platonic Road Fork”. The Platonic Road Fork (or PRF)  is the point in which a man and woman whom have just met must individually make a decision about the future of their relationship. On one end of the fork, you decide to remain friends and just friends. Down the other side of the fork, you decide to pursue a romantic relationship. Everyone does this but some people do it more quickly than others, so fast that they don’t even realize they’ve made that decision.

Oftentimes, this is where people get confused because they start blurring the line between “friends” and “not friends”. It’s important that we have a clear outline for our relationships with the opposite sex and make a mental note of where we stand early on. Yes, things change and positions shift, but having a outline keeps us from getting lost and defining out relationship situation as “complicated“. Lyle was too busy enjoying himself to define his intentions with Pretty Lady. And when it comes to the PRF, the earlier you choose, the better and more clear everything will be. Now I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with “just seeing what happens” or “going with the flow”. I don’t categorize every female I meet, but just as an outline for a research paper helps keeps your thoughts in order, stopping at the PRF keeps things from getting tricky. Because Lyle didn’t stop, he inadvertently landed himself in the “friend-zone” and no matter how much Lyle wants to to get out, he can’t unless Pretty Lady lets him, which she won’t.

The Truth

Now here’s the important part, so guys LISTEN UP!

The phone is for making dates happen. Period. If you are a guy and you’re yapping away on a nightly 3-hour phone conversation with some fine hottie, chances are she’s more interested in you’re company and friendship than what’s in your pants or what you’re lips feel like.  With every long phone conversation that passes without a date being set, you’re digging yourself deeper and deeper into the friend zone. And he’s doing this everyday! I don’t even talk to my mom everyday.

Don’t buy gifts to be sweet if you don’t know if the girl is really into you, and if she IS really into you then guess what…you don’t have to impress her, she already likes you. Dump the Romeo act, it’s tired. Showing a girl how “sweet” you are is a tactic, a trick, and planned attack. We’re trying to make it seem like we’re naturally caring so she falls for it. Think not? Go and try to show someone how incredibly humble you are. If you’re a sweet guy, be yourself and it’ll show, otherwise you’ll either end up broke from buying nonreciprocating gifts or appear creepy/stalkerish.

And if you care more about her auxiliary relationships with members of the other sex than she does yours, then she doesn’t care about having one with you.

The Verdict

In response to Lyle’s question, “… how can I continue to be her friend when I have such intense feelings for her?”, I told him that he can’t. His feelings for her are heavy and her feelings for him are nonexistent. He either needs to remove all romantic feelings for her and cut his loses, or cut his friendship with her off altogether. All the “sweet” things he’s doing for her aren’t done because he’s a nice guy, he’s doing them because he’s a nice guy who likes her and he’s trying to buy his way into her heart. These are things friends don’t do. She’s not going to budge, so Lyle needs to move on.

Discuss.

-The Genius

Eeney Meeney Miney Mo…

Source: BBC News – Golf icon Tiger Woods faces police questions over crash

(BBC News) Police are expected to question world number one golfer Tiger Woods later on Saturday more than a day after a car crash outside his Florida home.
The star was found semi-conscious with facial injuries after his car reportedly hit a fire hydrant and tree.
Officers were told Woods’ wife Elin had used a golf club to break the rear window of the car and help him out after the accident early on Friday.
The 14-time major champion was admitted to hospital and later released.

____________Editorial______________
There are TWO Black men that are not allowed to EVER break the law. Tiger Woods and Barack Obama. Tiger… your f*cking up!!
(And yes, all subtext with the nursery rhyme and it’s various controversial presentations is completely intentional. C’mon now… we’re AfroThought.)

Badass of the Week: Anderson Silva

Anderson “The Spider” Silva

Yep, I had to do it. If this dude’s not bad, then you just don’t even know the meaning of the word. This weekend, Anderson Silva fought top Light Heavyweight Contender Forrest Griffin in the UFC. Now say what you want about Forrest, but the guy can fight. He may not be Top 10 (in my opinion he’s not), he may be drastically overrated, but he’s above the halfway point of the division. For those who don’t understand or are aware of what exactly happened Saturday Night, let me set it up.

Anderson Silva is currently the reigning UFC Middleweight Champion (185 lbs). He’s basically demolished everyone in his path for the last several years and has only be truly defeated three times before. His highlight reel is one of the most jaw dropping in MMA. What makes this more fascinating is that the people he humiliates are top of the line contenders and is somehow able to make them look like they don’t belong in the cage/ring with him. Furthermore, the guy has a career striking accuracy is much higher than anyone’s in the sport.

Over the course of his career, Silva’s average striking accuracy per-fight is an even 70%. To give some context, the average fighter’s accuracy is around 35%, and Silva’s opponents’ accuracy in their fights against him is 24%. That means Silva is twice as accurate as your standard fighter and nearly three times as accurate as the people fighting against him. His footwork and technique are such that not only does he connect, he also makes his opponents miss. – Yahoo! Sports

You know you’re a bad moFo when you knock someone out while you’re backpedaling with your WEAK hand. You know you’re a badass when you can stand 1 foot from your opponent with your hands at your side and not only not get touched, but somehow manage to dodge everything that is thrown at you. Seriously, I’m not even gonna talk too much about this cuz words don’t do it. Just watch the video.

NFL star Burress faces gun charge | BBC News

Couldn’t we make it the rest of the year without a Fail?

(BBC News) – The US football star who scored the winning touchdown in this year’s Super Bowl faces criminal charges after shooting himself by accident.

Plaxico Burress, who plays for the New York Giants, has been charged with possession of a loaded firearm, which is illegal in the city. Read more

Dear Ex-Girlfriend: You Can Do Better

Dear Ex-Girlfriend,

::sigh::

You can do better. I was trying to think of a more gentle way to say it but I don’t have to, I’m not your man. Granted, enough time has passed that I am in no way upset that you are seeing someone new (nor is it my place to be so). Honestly, I’m just happy that you aren’t dwelling on the past. It’s not good for you. But then again, neither is your new dude. Read more

Fail: Chocolate News & David Alan Grier

When I first heard that Comedy Central was going to start airing a show called “Chocolate News”, I got worried. All I could think about was “I just hope it’s responsible”, meaning I hope they don’t go all in and bet the farm on racial stereotype jokes the whole season (if it lasts that long, God forbid). Read more

Fail: Palin and talking (out loud)

When it comes to making their running mates look bad, she makes it look easy…

No doubt a lot of attention has been on Sarah Palin, potentially the first-ever female vice president, but in recent weeks, the Alaskan Governor has had her share of goof ups that make the GOP look really bad. Read more

Giving up on Musiq…

“Don’t front. You know you loooove it.” Not quite, homey.

As if soul wasn’t already an underground genre, now Musiq is trying “Radio”. I expected this one day, but thought there would be a few more singles signaling the inevitable end between then and now. Nope, Musiq dove head first into the mainstream. Can he swim though? Read more

Fail: Angel Matos

Sh*t’s too too funny.

Gives another meaning to sore loser. Mofo kicked the ref!! Read more

Next Page »