Transitions in Texture

“Don’t let nobody peep yo naps.”

During Black History month in the 7^th grade (late 80’s/early 90s), having written previously about Sojourner Truth and Harriet Tubman, and Dr. MLK, himself, I ventured into new territory. I constructed this great three sided poster filled with pasted on pictures, text written in bold colored marker, and, of course, artistic puff paint, exalting the first FEMALE (black or white) self-made millionaire, Madam C.J. Walker. She, being the premier entrepreneur that defined the modern day black hair care industry and standards of “straightened” beauty. Read more

Rapper or Republican?

“It ain’t hard to tell… ” or is it?

My best friend was perusing a gaming magazine recently and noticed a short blurb on a new video game coming out… you ready?…wait for it…wait for it… 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand. Oh! I kid you not. Essentially 50 Cent murdering mofos in the Middle East. Now I will give Vivendi the benefit of the doubt that the premise (and it’s proclivity to alliteration) is pure happenstance but one can’t help but wonder… Read more

Slapping Miss Daisy

Gee whiz, Beave. How can i best backslap the rest of your people and slightly exclude you?! Maybe if i say “no offense”.

Growing up I remember using the huge box of crayons with the names you knew someone was overpaid to create (we’re looking at you “orange-yellow”). In that box, the one that always pissed me off was “Flesh”. Especially since my flesh wasn’t “flesh” colored. What were they trying to say? How self-centered do you have to be not to realize the ramifications of labeling one hue “flesh”; dangerous not to just yourself, but your company? Do you not consider how you may be inadvertently offending… oh… say… everyone else? Go find this crayon… if you are around that color, this sermon is for you. Why the “flesh” colored people? Because they are the main perpetrators of the non-compliment. I’m going to use the most recent example in my life but please recognize that “…this type of sh*t happens ev-ery-day!” Read more

You Won’t Like Me When I’m Angry

We were loud and obnoxious but so was everyone else in the 24-hour Greek eatery. The waitress, a Greek woman in her mid-30’s, comes out w/ the bill as I’m retelling a dirty story rich with profane vocabulary and not-so-subtle sexual innuendo (I’m out with my guy friends…it happens) . She then looks at me sideways and says, “Wow, you have such lovely vocabulary!” Read more

The Blacker the Berry…

I really hope the audio clip circulating the Internet of Yung Berg talking down about dark skinned women is a counterfeit. Because if he truly thinks that dark skinned sisters aren’t beautiful, he needs to wake up. Sure, people are entitled to date what they are attracted to. But to demean the darker woman in the manner that he did is a disgrace to our people. Read more

The Globalization of Du-Rags

“You never thought that ‘Hip-Hop’ would take it this far!”

The other day I was minding my own business shopping for some music (”in the heart of the city” of course), when I noticed this kid looking extra lost. Not my kid, not my problem. I’m sure there was a guardian somewhere in the vicinity. I thought, ‘Hope somebody knows you’re here, kid’ then rolled on about my business. Besides, I noticed him just like I notice everybody. Why? Read more

Transitions of Progress

I was in the commons (the park) downtown the other night with my homegirl just talking. Clearly, this was her idea. I don’t find chillin’ in a park downtown at night to be the wisest nor safest place to chat but i figured she’d get uncomfortable soon and we’d be on our way. So as the random winos and crazies who take residence in the vicinity made cameos in our causerie, she and I observed the subtleties of the subdued nightlife. I was sharing a theory on relationships when the sight of two dudes on Segways made me trail off mid-sentence. Why? ‘Cause i’d simply never seen Segways in real life, simple as that. They looked convenient and fun, in that way that life sometimes imitates art (or at least the art of commercials). I thought “Hmph, cool, but is that really necessary?” Read more

Soul Food or Slave Food?

“Chittlins? Fuck Nah, I don’t want no more.” - Omar Twist

I usually try to stay away from “angry black man” posts or related websites. Sure lots of people have alot to be angry about, but there’s so much to be glad ’bout…right? So when someone pointed me to “StuffBlackPeopleHate.com”, I was reluctant to go. I went anyway and browsed till I found this article about the connection between “soul food” and slavery. Read more

Professor Carlin’s Legacy

On Sunday, June 22nd, 2008, the public received the horrible news about the death of a comedic pioneer. Now when I think of humor, many things come to my mind; one being that the Latin root word for humor is moisture. So with that, I might testify that many comedians are a breath of fresh air when it comes to their stand ups, but if there is one man who reminds me of a breath of fresh moisture, it was Mr. George Carlin.

Listening to him rant philosophically was like hearing Martin Luther King Jr. preach after a couple shots of Moonshine. Honestly, if laughter were a degree program in a university, Mr. Carlin would act as its professor. A course director eventually who would know with perfection what funny was and what funny wasn’t. A course director who could predict a student’s future based on the dynamics of his or her sense of humor. His class wouldn’t be at all difficult either. The grading rubric would simply be; you’re either the real deal, or your just another joke. “No double standards!”, as he finely put it. Those that were the real deal would pass the class with flying colors and be left alone. All other pranksters who failed miserably would be used time and time again in Professor Carlin’s comedic skits at his shows suffering from embarrassment after embarrassment.

You see, because Professor Carlin lived with a straightforward concept. This concept not only motivated aspiring comedians to step up to the challenge, but also challenged society’s obligation to stay true to reality. He preaches, “I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.” By expressing his reflections of wisdom and mocking the popularity of stupidity, cross the line he did and he did it rather well. From tackling issues of the English language to identifying America as one gigantic shopping mall, it never took much critical thinking to decipher the conveyance of his skits. As he once put it, “ I love this country and all the freedoms I used to have”, he saw the route politicians and big business were taking this country and figured one way to make a point of this is to laugh it off. Pointing out that we can’t continue to wag the finger towards another, but rather to look in the mirror and realize we are the entire problem as a whole.

The problems with health care, disease, pollution, job security, education, substance abuse, religious affiliations, lack of financial discipline, poverty, marriage, and the whole nine yards. This list could go on, but what should stop is the reliance on other people, he would stress. We’ve become so fixed into technology we forgot about civil duties and the spiritual remedies of the ancient. Professor Carlin, like many resounding public figures, continued to have a voice in the entertainment industry. Even after the 1978 U.S. Supreme court case, acknowledging the government’s right to regulate “indecent” material on the public airwaves. This being the result of the airing of one of his most famous skits “Seven Dirty Words” (which he actually got arrested for). Feel free to search for the video on Youtube if you’re at work and your feeling a little disobedient. With respect to his everlasting practical jokes, I’ll leave you with some of his classic quotes. Rest in peace you old fart.

“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.”
“Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.”
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
“ Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?”

- George Carlin

Span-glish

‘Me Speaky no Eng-rish. . . .’

(and I don’t give a f@%k !!) . . . .

When I was in high school, my Hispanic friend Marisol (name changed) and I were paired together to do one of those silly high school projects that I all too often freaked out about as if it were pivotal to my future success in life, although I still ended up gluing sh*t together last minute Sunday night while watching Melrose Place. Read more

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