The Not Cheating Challenge

September 17, 2014 by  
Filed under Dating & Relationships

Woman Walks In On Boyfriend

I know what you’re thinking, but she’s a personal trainer.

Have you ever cheated in a relationship? Be honest. I won’t tell. In fact, I cannot tell you how many people I know that have cheated on their significant other. That’s right, “people”; men and women. Seemingly perfect relationships exploded because one person could not say “no”. It seems so commonplace nowadays too. Half if not more marriages end in divorce. We refer to “teams”, “side pieces”, “main chicks”, etc. Music and television would be a lot more bland without infidelity. We celebrate couples that have stayed together 5+ years while wagering on their demise. It’s hard to sell a headline about some star caught with someone else nowadays because it is expected (e.g. Chris Brown).

I will say that guys tend to talk about cheating more freely. It is as if they need to confess. Women will Read more

It’s Only Sexual Harassment if You Don’t Like It?

August 22, 2014 by  
Filed under Dating & Relationships

This initially started out as a letter to a friend, but got VERY long. After a bit, I realized that this is something I’d like to share. Names have been changed to protect the innocent:

Hey. So lately, I’ve been running into a lot of your posts online. I just recently began regularly reading your blog as well as its related content. First and foremost, great work! In the sea of “related articles” and Google’s “user-targeted” content delivery, I’ve been presented with and subsequently exposed to several articles concerning rape and “rape culture”. As this is a subject that personally interests me, I found some of these articles mundane, but also found many of them to be fascinatingly informative. Read more

The Make-up Myth: The Introduction

Assortment of make-up

Masters of the lie, the visual lie.

Look at you.
You got on heels, you ain’t that tall.

You got on makeup,
your face don’t look like that.

You got a weave, your hair ain’t that long.

You got a Wonderbra on,
your titties ain’t that big.

Everything about you is a lie,
and you expect me to tell the truth?

F*ck you!
~ Chris Rock, Bigger & Blacker

Okay, that’s a bit much but it lies adjacent to a different point that we here at AfroThought have been meaning to tackle. Recently an associate expressed befuddlement that guys always approach her when she feels she is not looking her best or at least not presented in a way she would prefer her first impression to appear aesthetically. She gave an example of an instance when she was approached while she had no make-up on. We doubt she was busted, but apparently she didn’t expect to be seen. Conversely, whenever she is out on the town looking like a “vision of perfection” from her “hair follicles to her toe nails” only the C-team steps to her. We figured we should clear any misconceptions over this image phenomenon by presenting our perspectives.

The Gentleman’s Thoughts

The Genius’ Thoughts

The Prophet’s Thoughts

The Make-up Myth: The Gentleman’s Thoughts

October 28, 2010 by  
Filed under Dating & Relationships

Recently a female friend asked us:

“Why do guys always approach her when she’s not looking so hot, but when she’s all dolled up and on point, none of the fine guys step to her, only the C-team.”

Here’s what The Gentleman had to say about it:

“It’s deep how you can be so shallow.” © Cee-Lo Green

Attention ladies:
You are not wearing make-up for guys. You are wearing make-up for yourself. Beyond that, you are wearing make-up for other girls. Now hopefully for many of you this is no shock, but some of you are perplexed. You can’t understand why men you might be interested in approach you when you aren’t wearing make-up as opposed to the subpar suitors that throw out pick-up lines when you are.

Think about that. Introspect the very reason you prepare yourself the way you do. Then break down your experiences of make-up vs no make-up again. We’ll come back to it.

We See You
For starters, make-up isn’t as magical as you think it is. In fact, it’s not fooling anybody of anything. We see you. You’re not “vanishing”, “masking”, “contouring”, “revitalizing”, “concealing” anything. WE SEE YOU. It’s almost insulting to act as if we can’t tell what you look like without makeup. It’s the equivalent of hiding behind your hands and breathily saying “I disappeared. Where did I go?!”. We might have been fooled when we were younger, but now… nope. Not only that, some of us have dated enough that we could give you some pointers.

Example: Properly applied lip gloss trumps any lipstick, any day for any desired look/effect/whatever for any desired bachelor/target etc. That’s a freebie. Enjoy.

Do you disagree? Do you think this is just one guy’s opinion. Well, if you don’t believe me, do a study. Ask the next guys you are attracted to and guys you aren’t attracted to which they prefer “lip gloss or lipstick”. Side note: I hope you know that as a female you can approach ANY dude at ANY time. In fact, guys LOVE it. So next time you are out, day or night, approach the most attractive person that you can find and say “I’m trying to settle a disagreement” and ask his preferences. Then get his name and number. If necessary, claim that it’s just in case you have to verify the preference for the opposing party in the wager.

A gentleman with binoculars.

Wave Your Flag
Every sensible/respectable guy can see trouble coming from a mile away. Make-up is like a warning flag; a flag literally written on your face. Thus to those who habitually wear it, thank you. You are telling us most of what we need to know without even talking to you. Well, some of us anyway.

It seems the quantity of make-up is usually directly proportionate to the issues of the wearer. The first and most obvious being self-image. Either she is insecure about her looks or too absorbed in her looks. Either way, it’s a bit too superficial; which is a shame because a number of you look better with a little moisturizer and some chapstick. You don’t landscape a beach. If you’re pretty, you’re pretty.

Personally, I’ve tried to be open-minded about this but the results follow a trend. Every time I’ve dated someone whom I’ve discovered wore a lot or make-up (meaning I approached her with little-to-no make-up and only discovered her cosmetic consumerism later) there were other issues that basically made “us” difficult. Makes sense though, some things in life just take a certain type of person. The person who can spend ten or more minutes doing their make-up… well…

Birds of a Feather
Similarly, it should be no surprise then that when wearing make-up you are approached by certain types as well. So, again, think about it. If you don’t like the guys that approach you when you are wearing make-up, then what is your make-up saying about you? Or what you want?

Example: If you make yourself look like a Barbie doll, of course cats are going to toy with you.

I’ll give you a cop out though, maybe you just applied it wrong. That way you can keep on wearing the warning flag and continue to let the rest of us know what we’re getting into.

It’s like National Geographic: “The female wards off desirable males with particular markings on her visage unaware of the signals she is sending.”

Meanwhile the girl with less make-up seems to have other priorities. Maybe she values other things about herself more than her appearance. Maybe she is just driven to focus on other aspects of her life. Maybe she’s laid-back and doesn’t care how others see her. Maybe she’s just that confident about her self-image that she feels she can rock the no make-up look. I wonder what she does with all the time and money she saves. All of these things I don’t know because I don’t get to judge this book by it’s cover. Gasp, I would have to talk to her to find out who she is AND/OR confirm my suspicions.

Now you may try to say that guys are intimidated by a woman who looks like she’s got it going on. That may be true. But in case it isn’t true, I hope you know the woman wearing the make-up is not the one who seems to have it together; it’s the other woman. She seems more confident, plus I can’t tell everything I need to know by looking at her. Hence why she gets approached. And why, when you aren’t wearing make-up, you get approached.

Young ladies waving flags.

Most of the guys you would want to approach you aren’t fans of make-up. You know the types. The men who don’t play games. They have magnetic charisma, nice job, values, fun, etc. Those guys, they aren’t fans. Granted, if you are going somewhere extremely formal and/or important, it is understandable that maybe you want to even out your skin tone and accent this or that feature. Acknowledge the event. Hell, sometimes you just want to look nice to make yourself feel good. But seriously, calm down. Oh, and why would you want a guy who is less attracted to you without your make-up? Multiple faults there.

Lastly, when you don’t wear make up you are also more accessible. No lipstick, guys can kiss you without coming away wearing lipstick or tasting it. No make-up, we can hold you close and not get make up on our clothes. Essentially, if we don’t think you need to wear make-up, we definitely don’t want to wear it ourselves. Besides, you are beautiful, are you not? We think so. Especially when we get to see the real you. The you that we would ideally want to get to know, wake up next to, commit to. The real you. Why would you want to hide that from us?

Less is more.

Leave your thoughts below.

The Make-up Myth: The Introduction

The Genius’ Thoughts

The Prophet’s Thoughts

The Make-up Myth: The Prophecy

October 28, 2010 by  
Filed under Dating & Relationships

Recently a female friend asked us:

“Why do guys always approach her when she’s not looking so hot, but when she’s all dolled up and on point, none of the fine guys step to her, only the C-team.”

Here’s what The Prophet had to say about it:

Here’s the deal. The reason why guys aren’t really approaching you when you are looking your best isn’t because of what your makeup is saying about you or that we are selectively sniping our targets. The reason is that dudes these days are just timid and lazy. Yep. You ladies were right. We are just reluctant to talk to you for fear of rejection.

You see, guys have extremely fragile egos. Rejection is something that most guys need to be able to deal with and a key part of life but something that only a very small percentage of guys are capable of handling without batting an eye. The problem is that the overwhelming majority of guys who have the balls to come up to you when you are looking your best are card-carrying members of the C-team. These are the guys I believe that The Genius was talking about as being “That Dude“.  So what about the other guys? The guys belonging to the A-team, hell even the B-team? Why aren’t they talking to you? The answer is simple:  Hoes.

First of all, let me start off by saying that I do not run around calling women bitches and hoes. My mother is a woman and so are my sisters, best friends, and family members. Teachers, religious mentors, neighbors, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, and mail-lady. But everyone needs to stop fronting and realize that hoes do exist. All women are not bitches or hoes, we’re talking 20-25% tops. And it’s this segment that messes everything up for all you quality women out there who got it going on both physically and mentally. This is because the hoes are actually the ones doing the sniping. They feed on all the men from the A-team, B-team, and C-team in that very order and as wonderful as I think the male race is, we are lazy as hell.

Conditioning is the reason we are not talking to you. Most of your good-looking male friends are perfectly capable of getting  “attention” from pretty women without even doing anything. It may not be as easy or as often as it is for even the averagest looking woman, but give it some time, and they will come.

Let’s recap. Men these days are confronted with a dilemma, one that we chose the easiest course of action to solve. On one hand, we are faced with possible rejection from women who know that they look good and know their own worth. On the other hand, we are also well aware that if we just chill for long enough, hoes will make their presence known and we will get “candy” from them. Because guys are lazy, we choose the hoes option because it’s easier and still keeps our egos in tact. I personally believe this is the reason that men are typically attracted to crazy ass women. Sorry ladies, but the truth is just as brutal as you thought. Also, I am very aware that I just used the word “averagest” in the last paragraph. I do not regret that at all. I was just too lazy to change it.

See, told you.

What do you think? Let us know.

The Make-up Myth: The Introduction

The Gentleman’s Thoughts

The Genius’ Thoughts

The Make-up Myth: Analyzed by a Genius

October 28, 2010 by  
Filed under Dating & Relationships

Recently a female friend asked us:

“Why do guys always approach her when she’s not looking so hot, but when she’s all dolled up and on point, none of the fine guys step to her, only the C-team?”

Here’s what The Genius had to say about it:

With all due respect to my fellow colleague The Gentleman, I think maybe he got the purpose of this article confused himself, or maybe he chose to comment on just the makeup, which is ONE aspect of the larger issue.; however, his points can also be applicable to the bigger issue, which is “Accuracy”.

Makeup aside, women get into dress-up battles with themselves and their friends when they go out. It’s all fun and games, and I personally don’t really see anything wrong with it. The problem, or should I say confusion, comes in when their attire does not match their surroundings, or how I perceive my surroundings.

I don’t consider myself a Casanova by any means. But I am a firm believer in social engineering and the chief advocate against the Law of Large Numbers (as applied to dating).  This means that I’m all about accuracy when I approach women. Not all men are like this, but usually the ones you want to talk to are. You see, the C-Team that you speak of is only interested in your superficial appearance, that is after all the main reason he approached you; he has nothing else to go off of. His M.O. is “Hey, might as well try, right? Worst that can happen is she’ll say ‘No’. I’ll live”. Which actually, is true. The problem is that if you DO say no, where does that put me? Am I to just hang it up that night, or am I to move onto the next woman? For these guys, the latter is the preferred choice of action. But after 2 or 3 rejections, he becomesThat Dude at the club who is trying to hit on everyone. And no girl likes “That Dude”. You certainly don’t.

Woman rejecting man at the bar.When “That Dude” approaches you, you all are instantly turned off by him and say to yourself, and sometimes to him directly, “Why are you hollerin’ at me, I’m just another number to you.” Now let’s assume that you and “That Dude” would have actually hit it off and started a wonderful relationship together had he just approached you first. His chances of achieving success with women he actually stands a chance with significantly decreases with each approach and rejection he gets. And ladies, you are not stupid. You can smell this strategy on a guy from a mile away. If he doesn’t make you feel special, then he’s not. Drop him.

Now let me ask you this: Why would I put myself in that position? I don’t go headhunting for “chicks” when I go out. If I decide to talk to a woman while out in a public setting, I understand that by doing so, I am crossing out several other women from contention. It would makes sense to me to find the ones that I think mesh better with my character and vice-versa rather than just one that “looks good“. I’m a sniper, not Infantry. It’s all about accuracy. One shot, one kill.

How can I tell which ones mesh the best with me and who I have a better chance with? Simple, I’m a confident and intelligent person, so I have my best chances with a woman who has the same qualities. Typically, women who I deem as overdressed for the occasion have something to compensate for. Not all of you, but enough. I’ve went to a dive bar to watch a fight and saw a group of women dressed in those bandage dresses (I don’t know what they’re called but they are tight) and expensive looking shoes. Sure they looked good, and they were approached by every bar slob in the place. To me, that looks like these girls want to step out and get noticed. But at a Dive Bar? Really? Am I going to include myself in the folds of men who flock as soon as they see eyeliner and boobies. Nah homie. I’m straight.

To me, overdressing = confidence issues or attention deficiency disorder.

“If my tit is hanging out my dress, the night is gonna be interesting!”

I know you women have fun turning guys down. We know that. Hell, we have fun turning women down. Ok, tha’s a lie. We don’t turn them down, we keep them around anyway, but like you, we do it because we just want our ego stroked.

I know some of you women are of course saying, “I don’t do that. I dress for me, myself, and I.”

Yeh, I’m sure you do. But I personally think that this type of woman represents about 30% of you all. So for the sake of that 30%, I’m hollering at none of ya’ll. Blame them, not me.

Thirty percent! That may seem too low to be casting off the vast majority of women, but when you talk about accuracy, it makes sense. Look at the women who dress sophisticated, appropriate, and leave enough to the imagination to pique my interest. Ladies, our definitions of those words are different than yours. I want the girl who dresses comfortably over provocatively, reserved over liberally, confident over attention-starved. Out of all the women that dress like that, I have a better rate of success with these ladies than the flashy, makeup intensive, fashion overloaded ones. Out of both groups, the latter yields significantly less false positives than the former with a much higher conversion ratio. I’m gonna do what benefits me, so will the rest of the A-team.

We scan you before you even see us and the logic that drives the male brain will always do the math. Some are just better than others at it. The C-team does the Law of Large Numbers thing while the A-team provides a hypothesis and formulates a proof. So if you feel that the girls that dress up and have no substance don’t include you: No offense, I’m just tryina keep my stats up. I’ve done the math, and it’s sound. Trust me, I’m a genius.

Discuss below and be sure to check out what my colleagues think. Let them know how right I am.

The Make-up Myth: The Introduction

The Gentleman’s Thoughts

The Prophet’s Thoughts

Is it me or…?

Couple leaning out and kissing from separate speeding cars.

DISCLAIMER: Clearly this is particular to my experience and I don’t mean everybody. But I’m in the heat of the moment and I want to generalize. Besides, if majority rules…

I am officially disappointed in everyone. People really suck, and no, I’m not jaded. People just never make sense. I’m so angry about this, because I see the logic in each situation. I am a reasonable person. I have a good grasp on reality. When I screw up, I’ll say so; and when people screw up, I’ll say that too. And when people just fail, it continues to disappoint me and makes me realize more and more how much people… well… suck. Read more

When we gone get to the good part?

April 6, 2010 by  
Filed under Dating & Relationships

How long should I have to “court” you before we get to the good stuff. I’m not saying I’m not a chivalrous and gentlemanly  person (I’d like to think that I am), but how long should I have to keep this gentleman thing up before we get to the meat and potatoes. Read more

The Platonic Road Fork – Part I

March 15, 2010 by  
Filed under Dating & Relationships, Genius Theories

It’s been a while since I’ve shared one of my theories with you all, so  I’m more than happy to share the newest installment of the Genius Theories. As with every Genius Theory, I gotta give you the background first.

The Background

This story starts off with a friend whom we will call Lyle, because it sounds funny. During a water break at the gym, my friend Lyle began to retell his Valentine’s Day disaster story from this passed month. Two months back, at a friend’s party, Lyle met a very very attractive Pretty Lady. Lyle and Pretty Lady struck up a conversation and seemed to hit it off, eventually exchanging phone numbers. Thus began a long string of hour-and-a-half long phone conversations.

Read more

The Platonic Road Fork – Part II

March 15, 2010 by  
Filed under Dating & Relationships, Genius Theories

…continued from: The Platonic Road Fork – Part I

Before I started explaining the situation to my friend, I paused. Just to make sure I wasn’t jumping the gun, I asked a few questions first because Lyle’s story sounded like there was much that he conveniently left out. I asked him a few questions and these are some of the things I uncovered:

  • Since the very beginning of the relationship, Lyle speaks with her a few times a day, just about everyday.
  • Lyle has thrice taken Pretty Lady out on extravagant dinners and outings.
  • Every time Lyle makes a flirtatious comment to Pretty Lady, she tells him to stop or that it makes her uncomfortable.
  • Lyle buys Pretty Lady “Just Because” presents for no reason such as appliances, home decor, etc.
  • Lyle gets jealous when he’s around guys that she is dating or brings them up in conversation.
  • Pretty Lady could care less who Lyle dates and sometimes encourages him in his relationships.

The truth is that Lyle has no chance. Like none. But what is worse is that he’s doing everything wrong.

Read more

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