My Problem w/ Interracial Dating

I have a problem w/ interracial dating, but it’s not for the reasons you think. I’m gonna just jump right into this so buckle up sistas. I’m a 26 yr old black man with two degrees and a well-paying job. No, I’m not bragging, but this will become relevant later. I’m not against interracial relationships, I just have problems with what seems to be a growing percentage of them….and it’s you boo.

Yes, black woman, it’s you. I know that statistically I’m an anomaly. But more and more of my twenty-something year old female friends are growing tired of there “Not being enough good men” around. In their growing frustration, and in their ever-growing wisdom, they come up with the grandaddy of all resolutions, “I’m gonna date outside my race!“. I personally don’t see the problem w/ expanding your horizons and opening up your options, but far too often what this really means is “I’m gonna find a white guy, cuz brotha’s is f$%kin’ up!”. Why are these women acting like they’re 35? Seriously?

My friend, let’s call her “Karen”, is a prime example. After talking to Karen and asking her why she sees that as a solution, she informs me that

“All my previous relationships have turned out horrible, and statistically, black men lead white men in domestic abuse by [insert high number]%. White men just care and treat us sistas better. If black men can’t treat me right and commit, then I’m going to jump ship. Black men mess w/ white girls all the time, why shouldn’t I?”

Now the reason this pisses me off is that what this does is that it subconsciously puts the white man above a black man, and in their mind, “better”. Better for them, better in bed, better for marriage, just better. More importantly, it means that when they pass by me and a white man, they will chose him because he is “statistically better” than myself. What the hell did I do? I don’t care what the numbers say or the statistics. I’m me. But not to make it all about me, this is also dangerous for the woman.

This is because she’s setting herself up for failure, disguised as success. No doubt that dating a white man will be a very different experience, but in that experience, the woman already comes into the relationship with a predisposition to label this new relationship that is different, as better. This is amplified if the couple has a good run. All of a sudden, her hunch is verified and she’s off running spreading the word to all her girlfriends that she’s found the Dead Sea Scrolls. In actuality, he’s just indulging in a chocolate fantasy. Okay, lemme not be bitter. Whether he likes her for her or for her sweet chocolate lovin’, what she’s done is possibly overlooked the very flaws that have gotten her rejected from black men in the first place.

Back to Karen. Karen started dating a white man about a week after she made her declaration and they were together for a while. She swears that it’s because white men treat sistas better, but what she doesn’t understand is that Karen has some issues. Karen is crazy. More specifically, she’s a hyper-empowered overly independent, afro-chick. We all know what I mean by that. Karen is the kind of person that will yell at a man for holding the door open for her cuz “I don’t need to be dominated as the weaker gender by the likes of you“ . What’s sad, is that’s an actual quote. Black men don’t wanna pick fights for no reason every 2-3 seconds, and I highly doubt any man does. So Karen’s biggest turn off is her paranoia of becoming submissive (or compromising). She overlooked her flaw because she just figured it had to be that black dudes don’t know how to treat a woman, and white dudes do (consciously or subconsciously).

Ladies, if you’re gonna date a white man, please…please date a man…who happens to be white. Don’t do it cuz you wanna get your groove back, or because you’re “done” w/ brothas. I love you all too much to see ya’ll sell yourselves short by not addressing your problems. As a comedian once said “If you’re 35 talkin bout ‘Men ain’t sh$#!’, then it’s you boo.” Fix yourself and stop being so jaded. Karen got dumped by the dude after he wrecked shop all up in that chocolate. I’m not saying that this is gonna happen, I’m just saying that’s what happened to Karen. Because Karen is crazy.

Discuss…

You Needa Make More Money Than Me

Call me ole’ fashion but. . . I’d rather that you’d make more money. Does that make me a bad person? Should I not say this out loud? This is ideally in the most ideal sense. You, the man, make more money so I, the woman, won’t have to feel obligated to work [so hard or more than four days out of the week]. But considering that in a few short years, I will be making a nice chunk of change, this really limits my options. And is this wrong? In the practical sense, hell-to-the-yeah. Read more

The Fate of Black Love - Part I

The Fate of Black Love? Maybe.

If TV is supposed to be a reflection of our times, then based on music videos and popular reality shows like “Flavor of Love”, we are really in trouble.

The state of the black community is a topic that has been plaguing its people for years. The origin of the black family starts with the black man and woman. Before there can be children to produce and raise in a conducive environment, there first must be a man and woman willing to take the road toward building a life together. Read more

On-line Dating and Diabetes

Disclaimer: I know what ya’ll are thinking. “Oh, those staff writers at Afrothought.com and their bogus theories/metaphors/alternate perspectives. Do they expect us to just digest this sh*t oh, so complacently?!! ” But bear with me here on this one. And no, we don’t expect instant digestion. We actively encourage intensive mastication. And if it still doesn’t sit well. Feel free to purge. But bear with me on this one, you’ll see where it’s going…

I knew by pressing “submit payment”, after filling out the extensive “User Profile/Compatibility Survey”, I would officially become unattractive. Knowing this, I still pressed “submit”, and when the popup window asked me “Are you sure?”, I pressed “continue”. Read more

The Myth of the 50/50

Yes. It’s a myth. I’m sorry if I just ruined your day. But before I proceed with this installment of Genius Theory, as always, I have to give the backstory. Long story short, I got into a discussion with a female cohort of mine who was upset that her relationship always seemed weighted. Read more

He’ll Regret it…

. . . but then again maybe he won’t. That is something that I keep to myself, every time, so countless it is disturbing, I am out with my girlfriends over dinner or on the phone with one of them, and a story is being retold about the end of the affair. Read more

The Interview Process

Let me first say that I’m getting really tired of the fact that every time I talk to one of my very good girlfriends, the conversation seems to always stray off into why no one wants them, or how they’re lonely, or how these guys are ___________.

No one’s provided me w/ any information as to why this is, and although there are theories, nothing concrete. As a result, I have to just assume that when you’re a female and 22-25 yrs old, your own personal worth is determined by the success (or lack) of your significant other, and if you’re one of those hags unlucky enough to NOT have a man, then you might as well just sew it up now and join a convent. Read more

Silly Little Girls…

Ladies, sisters, women, my children….please please please stop trying to holler at my brothers when you’re married or in a relationship. I don’t know HOW MANY times I’ve encountered women who fit into either of those categories and have told me how they secretly desired to sleep with lets just say, person x.

You’re married! You’re in a relationship. Now, I’m not going to generalize and say that the word fidelity nowadays in the U.S. is a pastime or anything, because it isn’t. But according to NationMaster, the U.S. has the highest divorce rate in the world. That has to mean something…although according to the U.S. Census Bureau divorce rate numbers had been on a steady decline lately. Notwithstanding, women staying/living in this country need to get their priorities straight. For god’s sake, even the concierge lady at my job had a huge grin on her face as she filled out her divorce papers today. That shit ain’t supposed to be funny last time I checked. Read more

Chivalry is NOT Dead…

…but that mofo sure is on life support!

Raised a southern gentleman by a single mother, i pride myself on knowing how to treat a lady. In someways it serves as an IQ test, like how long can you go before you f-up. (Grand prize… grandkids.) Even beyond that though, proper manners with the fairer sex generally puts you in a whole new level of manhood. It is part of being a man (rather than claiming you are one). Knowing and doing sometimes differ but that of course depends on the time, place and most likely the lady (if she can so be called).

Part of that however includes the decreasingly common act of chivalry. Currently most notable when a man will open the door for a lady, pull out a chair (for a girlfriend), walk on the street side of the curb (if somehow abandoned by his car). Personally, I do all of the above but still draw the occasional salty reaction for it. Seriously, though? Is it that crucial? Read more

Sorry, But Your Gal’s a D.A.

There’s a serious discrepency that exist between the way several men view their relationships and how they really exist. Ask any one of your friends in a serious relationship, “Why do you like your girl?” and chances are like 9 times out of 10 they’re gonna give you a litany of “Because she’s_______” comments. Typically, this laundry list usually includes the fact that “She’s smart“. And that’s where my problem starts…

I was talking to my this one fellow I know about his girlfriend, who obviously DOES NOT like him. She, however, won’t break up w/ this dude for security purposes and he is under some magical impression that they’re the perfect match. Now I know that some of you may be thinking I’m just hating right now but I assure you that’s not the case. This dude is not my friend, just a guy i know and speak to often, so I’m speaking from a totally unbiased angle….but I digress. Read more