Masters of the lie, the visual lie.

Look at you.
You got on heels, you ain’t that tall.

You got on makeup,
your face don’t look like that.

You got a weave, your hair ain’t that long.

You got a Wonderbra on,
your titties ain’t that big.

Everything about you is a lie,
and you expect me to tell the truth?

F*ck you!
~ Chris Rock, Bigger & Blacker

Okay, that’s a bit much but it lies adjacent to a different point that we here at AfroThought have been meaning to tackle. Recently an associate expressed befuddlement that guys always approach her when she feels she is not looking her best or at least not presented in a way she would prefer her first impression to appear aesthetically. She gave an example of an instance when she was approached while she had no make-up on. We doubt she was busted, but apparently she didn’t expect to be seen. Conversely, whenever she is out on the town looking like a “vision of perfection” from her “hair follicles to her toe nails” only the C-team steps to her. We figured we should clear any misconceptions over this image phenomenon by presenting our perspectives.

The Gentleman’s Thoughts

The Genius’ Thoughts

The Prophet’s Thoughts

“Why do guys always approach her when she’s not looking so hot, but when she’s all dolled up and on point, none of the fine guys step to her, only the C-team.”

Here’s what The Gentleman had to say about it:

“It’s deep how you can be so shallow.” © Cee-Lo Green

Attention ladies:
You are not wearing make-up for guys. You are wearing make-up for yourself. Beyond that, you are wearing make-up for other girls. Now hopefully for many of you this is no shock, but some of you are perplexed. You can’t understand why men you might be interested in approach you when you aren’t wearing make-up as opposed to the subpar suitors that throw out pick-up lines when you are.

Think about that. Introspect the very reason you prepare yourself the way you do. Then break down your experiences of make-up vs no make-up again. We’ll come back to it.

We See You
For starters, make-up isn’t as magical as you think it is. In fact, it’s not fooling anybody of anything. We see you. You’re not “vanishing”, “masking”, “contouring”, “revitalizing”, “concealing” anything. WE SEE YOU. It’s almost insulting to act as if we can’t tell what you look like without makeup. It’s the equivalent of hiding behind your hands and breathily saying “I disappeared. Where did I go?!”. We might have been fooled when we were younger, but now… nope. Not only that, some of us have dated enough that we could give you some pointers.

Example: Properly applied lip gloss trumps any lipstick, any day for any desired look/effect/whatever for any desired bachelor/target etc. That’s a freebie. Enjoy.

Do you disagree? Do you think this is just one guy’s opinion. Well, if you don’t believe me, do a study. Ask the next guys you are attracted to and guys you aren’t attracted to which they prefer “lip gloss or lipstick”. Side note: I hope you know that as a female you can approach ANY dude at ANY time. In fact, guys LOVE it. So next time you are out, day or night, approach the most attractive person that you can find and say “I’m trying to settle a disagreement” and ask his preferences. Then get his name and number. If necessary, claim that it’s just in case you have to verify the preference for the opposing party in the wager.

Wave Your Flag
Every sensible/respectable guy can see trouble coming from a mile away. Make-up is like a warning flag; a flag literally written on your face. Thus to those who habitually wear it, thank you. You are telling us most of what we need to know without even talking to you. Well, some of us anyway.

It seems the quantity of make-up is usually directly proportionate to the issues of the wearer. The first and most obvious being self-image. Either she is insecure about her looks or too absorbed in her looks. Either way, it’s a bit too superficial; which is a shame because a number of you look better with a little moisturizer and some chapstick. You don’t landscape a beach. If you’re pretty, you’re pretty.

Personally, I’ve tried to be open-minded about this but the results follow a trend. Every time I’ve dated someone whom I’ve discovered wore a lot or make-up (meaning I approached her with little-to-no make-up and only discovered her cosmetic consumerism later) there were other issues that basically made “us” difficult. Makes sense though, some things in life just take a certain type of person. The person who can spend ten or more minutes doing their make-up… well…

Birds of a Feather
Similarly, it should be no surprise then that when wearing make-up you are approached by certain types as well. So, again, think about it. If you don’t like the guys that approach you when you are wearing make-up, then what is your make-up saying about you? Or what you want?

Example: If you make yourself look like a Barbie doll, of course cats are going to toy with you.

I’ll give you a cop out though, maybe you just applied it wrong. That way you can keep on wearing the warning flag and continue to let the rest of us know what we’re getting into.

It’s like National Geographic: “The female wards off desirable males with particular markings on her visage unaware of the signals she is sending.”

Meanwhile the girl with less make-up seems to have other priorities. Maybe she values other things about herself more than her appearance. Maybe she is just driven to focus on other aspects of her life. Maybe she’s laid-back and doesn’t care how others see her. Maybe she’s just that confident about her self-image that she feels she can rock the no make-up look. I wonder what she does with all the time and money she saves. All of these things I don’t know because I don’t get to judge this book by it’s cover. Gasp, I would have to talk to her to find out who she is AND/OR confirm my suspicions.

Now you may try to say that guys are intimidated by a woman who looks like she’s got it going on. That may be true. But in case it isn’t true, I hope you know the woman wearing the make-up is not the one who seems to have it together; it’s the other woman. She seems more confident, plus I can’t tell everything I need to know by looking at her. Hence why she gets approached. And why, when you aren’t wearing make-up, you get approached.

Most of the guys you would want to approach you aren’t fans of make-up. You know the types. The men who don’t play games. They have magnetic charisma, nice job, values, fun, etc. Those guys, they aren’t fans. Granted, if you are going somewhere extremely formal and/or important, it is understandable that maybe you want to even out your skin tone and accent this or that feature. Acknowledge the event. Hell, sometimes you just want to look nice to make yourself feel good. But seriously, calm down. Oh, and why would you want a guy who is less attracted to you without your make-up? Multiple faults there.

Lastly, when you don’t wear make up you are also more accessible. No lipstick, guys can kiss you without coming away wearing lipstick or tasting it. No make-up, we can hold you close and not get make up on our clothes. Essentially, if we don’t think you need to wear make-up, we definitely don’t want to wear it ourselves. Besides, you are beautiful, are you not? We think so. Especially when we get to see the real you. The you that we would ideally want to get to know, wake up next to, commit to. The real you. Why would you want to hide that from us?

Less is more.

Leave your thoughts below.

The Make-up Myth: The Introduction

The Genius’ Thoughts

The Prophet’s Thoughts

“Why do guys always approach her when she’s not looking so hot, but when she’s all dolled up and on point, none of the fine guys step to her, only the C-team.”

Here’s what The Prophet had to say about it:

Here’s the deal. The reason why guys aren’t really approaching you when you are looking your best isn’t because of what your makeup is saying about you or that we are selectively sniping our targets. The reason is that dudes these days are just timid and lazy. Yep. You ladies were right. We are just reluctant to talk to you for fear of rejection.

You see, guys have extremely fragile egos. Rejection is something that most guys need to be able to deal with and a key part of life but something that only a very small percentage of guys are capable of handling without batting an eye. The problem is that the overwhelming majority of guys who have the balls to come up to you when you are looking your best are card-carrying members of the C-team. These are the guys I believe that The Genius was talking about as being “That Dude“.  So what about the other guys? The guys belonging to the A-team, hell even the B-team? Why aren’t they talking to you? The answer is simple:  Hoes.

First of all, let me start off by saying that I do not run around calling women bitches and hoes. My mother is a woman and so are my sisters, best friends, and family members. Teachers, religious mentors, neighbors, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, and mail-lady. But everyone needs to stop fronting and realize that hoes do exist. All women are not bitches or hoes, we’re talking 20-25% tops. And it’s this segment that messes everything up for all you quality women out there who got it going on both physically and mentally. This is because the hoes are actually the ones doing the sniping. They feed on all the men from the A-team, B-team, and C-team in that very order and as wonderful as I think the male race is, we are lazy as hell.

Conditioning is the reason we are not talking to you. Most of your good-looking male friends are perfectly capable of getting  “attention” from pretty women without even doing anything. It may not be as easy or as often as it is for even the averagest looking woman, but give it some time, and they will come.

Let’s recap. Men these days are confronted with a dilemma, one that we chose the easiest course of action to solve. On one hand, we are faced with possible rejection from women who know that they look good and know their own worth. On the other hand, we are also well aware that if we just chill for long enough, hoes will make their presence known and we will get “candy” from them. Because guys are lazy, we choose the hoes option because it’s easier and still keeps our egos in tact. I personally believe this is the reason that men are typically attracted to crazy ass women. Sorry ladies, but the truth is just as brutal as you thought. Also, I am very aware that I just used the word “averagest” in the last paragraph. I do not regret that at all. I was just too lazy to change it.

See, told you.

What do you think? Let us know.

The Make-up Myth: The Introduction

The Gentleman’s Thoughts

The Genius’ Thoughts

“Why do guys always approach her when she’s not looking so hot, but when she’s all dolled up and on point, none of the fine guys step to her, only the C-team?”

Here’s what The Genius had to say about it:

With all due respect to my fellow colleague The Gentleman, I think maybe he got the purpose of this article confused himself, or maybe he chose to comment on just the makeup, which is ONE aspect of the larger issue.; however, his points can also be applicable to the bigger issue, which is “Accuracy”.

Makeup aside, women get into dress-up battles with themselves and their friends when they go out. It’s all fun and games, and I personally don’t really see anything wrong with it. The problem, or should I say confusion, comes in when their attire does not match their surroundings, or how I perceive my surroundings.

I don’t consider myself a Casanova by any means. But I am a firm believer in social engineering and the chief advocate against the Law of Large Numbers (as applied to dating).  This means that I’m all about accuracy when I approach women. Not all men are like this, but usually the ones you want to talk to are. You see, the C-Team that you speak of is only interested in your superficial appearance, that is after all the main reason he approached you; he has nothing else to go off of. His M.O. is “Hey, might as well try, right? Worst that can happen is she’ll say ‘No’. I’ll live”. Which actually, is true. The problem is that if you DO say no, where does that put me? Am I to just hang it up that night, or am I to move onto the next woman? For these guys, the latter is the preferred choice of action. But after 2 or 3 rejections, he becomes “That Dude“ at the club who is trying to hit on everyone. And no girl likes “That Dude”. You certainly don’t.

When “That Dude” approaches you, you all are instantly turned off by him and say to yourself, and sometimes to him directly, “Why are you hollerin’ at me, I’m just another number to you.” Now let’s assume that you and “That Dude” would have actually hit it off and started a wonderful relationship together had he just approached you first. His chances of achieving success with women he actually stands a chance with significantly decreases with each approach and rejection he gets. And ladies, you are not stupid. You can smell this strategy on a guy from a mile away. If he doesn’t make you feel special, then he’s not. Drop him.

Now let me ask you this: Why would I put myself in that position? I don’t go headhunting for “chicks” when I go out. If I decide to talk to a woman while out in a public setting, I understand that by doing so, I am crossing out several other women from contention. It would makes sense to me to find the ones that I think mesh better with my character and vice-versa rather than just one that “looks good“. I’m a sniper, not Infantry. It’s all about accuracy. One shot, one kill.

How can I tell which ones mesh the best with me and who I have a better chance with? Simple, I’m a confident and intelligent person, so I have my best chances with a woman who has the same qualities. Typically, women who I deem as overdressed for the occasion have something to compensate for. Not all of you, but enough. I’ve went to a dive bar to watch a fight and saw a group of women dressed in those bandage dresses (I don’t know what they’re called but they are tight) and expensive looking shoes. Sure they looked good, and they were approached by every bar slob in the place. To me, that looks like these girls want to step out and get noticed. But at a Dive Bar? Really? Am I going to include myself in the folds of men who flock as soon as they see eyeliner and boobies. Nah homie. I’m straight.

To me, overdressing = confidence issues or attention deficiency disorder.

“If my tit is hanging out my dress, the night is gonna be interesting!”

I know you women have fun turning guys down. We know that. Hell, we have fun turning women down. Ok, tha’s a lie. We don’t turn them down, we keep them around anyway, but like you, we do it because we just want our ego stroked.

I know some of you women are of course saying, “I don’t do that. I dress for me, myself, and I.”

Yeh, I’m sure you do. But I personally think that this type of woman represents about 30% of you all. So for the sake of that 30%, I’m hollering at none of ya’ll. Blame them, not me.

Thirty percent! That may seem too low to be casting off the vast majority of women, but when you talk about accuracy, it makes sense. Look at the women who dress sophisticated, appropriate, and leave enough to the imagination to pique my interest. Ladies, our definitions of those words are different than yours. I want the girl who dresses comfortably over provocatively, reserved over liberally, confident over attention-starved. Out of all the women that dress like that, I have a better rate of success with these ladies than the flashy, makeup intensive, fashion overloaded ones. Out of both groups, the latter yields significantly less false positives than the former with a much higher conversion ratio. I’m gonna do what benefits me, so will the rest of the A-team.

We scan you before you even see us and the logic that drives the male brain will always do the math. Some are just better than others at it. The C-team does the Law of Large Numbers thing while the A-team provides a hypothesis and formulates a proof. So if you feel that the girls that dress up and have no substance don’t include you: No offense, I’m just tryina keep my stats up. I’ve done the math, and it’s sound. Trust me, I’m a genius.

Discuss below and be sure to check out what my colleagues think. Let them know how right I am.

The Make-up Myth: The Introduction

The Gentleman’s Thoughts

The Prophet’s Thoughts

DISCLAIMER: Clearly this is particular to my experience and I don’t mean everybody. But I’m in the heat of the moment and I want to generalize. Besides, if majority rules…

I am officially disappointed in everyone. People really suck, and no, I’m not jaded. People just never make sense. I’m so angry about this, because I see the logic in each situation. I am a reasonable person. I have a good grasp on reality. When I screw up, I’ll say so; and when people screw up, I’ll say that too. And when people just fail, it continues to disappoint me and makes me realize more and more how much people… well… suck.

I feel like I’m saying, “Hey look over here, I’m awesome. Sometimes a little goofy… but overall awesome, wanna go out??” And everyone who is single is like “Hmmmmm. Nah, not right now…” or “Umm, I’d rather settle.” I mean, really? You’re gonna settle? I’m giving you the choice of a big juicy steak (or whatever your favorite meal is) or just a pickle and in your dumbassery you say “Umm, I’ll take the pickle.” REALLY? Ol’ settling ass!! Anyway, now that I’ve told you how people suck, how about I paint a completely hypothetical picture for you?

Tell ‘em Why You Mad
So… boy likes girl when she is not ready, and when girl wants boy, boy says ‘I’m not ready.’ Hmmm, is this a game? Did I forget to bring my mitt to this boring game of toss the interest? I mean, clearly people like to play games.
Why would you try your hardest to convince someone to be with you, when they have just told you they were not ready? Maybe they are ‘damaged’ from their previous relationship? Maybe they’ll tell you that they need some time. Maybe when the time comes, you’re like “Well, no I don’t want to try…” Hold up. Okay, you wanted to try when the person wasn’t trying; and now that they are trying, you don’t want to try? You = stupid, dumdum, goofy ass, just overall incompetent. Yes that is you, and yes, you fail at life.

I honestly believe that you can’t be nice to people and you can’t make anything easy for them BECAUSE THEY ARE STUPID!!!!! I’ve gotten so much farther being a bitch, rather than being the fun-loving, caring, awesomesity that is me. (Not conceited, just giving myself some props). Even still, the most annoying part of this completely hypothetical situation is that a small part of me was questioning, “Do I really want to date this person? Do I really want to try?” He is awesome, but now he has totally proven that he is just part of the goofy-ass herd that is walking away from the water. Really? WOW! I mean, I can only do so much. I’ve basically prepared this great meal, filled up your fork, placed it in your mouth and your stupid confused insecure ass won’t chew!! I officially dislike you strongly. Basically, I’m off you. I’m off every damn thing!! Excuse my language.

So this situation leads me to the place where I am now, confused. I’m just not gonna try; ‘cause when you don’t try, you don’t get hurt or disappointed. I mean, I went a whole year not trying and I had a blast! Now I’m trying and it is lame, I mean really lame.

Relationships are supposed to be fun, but this sucks. What sucks even more is that I seem to connect better with guys who are IN RELATIONSHIPS. Really? It’s like, “Hey! I’m awesome and you’re awesome and…. oooh wait, you have a girlfriend. Oooh and you’ve been dating for 2 yrs. Oooh and your moving in together in August. How flipping lovely! (Damn you and your happy ass girlfriend! I hate you.)

I’ve tried to analyze this conundrum I seem to have found myself in, done some soul searching, talked to friends and these guys in relationships and wonder… is it me?? Am I doing something wrong? Is there something I am not realizing that I need to change?? The response is always the same, “Oooh just wait, when the time is right it will happen” or “You’re awesome and if people don’t realize this, then they are stupid.” I hate that! I love you, friends, but stop telling me how great I am and how everyone else is stupid. I mean, are people really that stupid? Am I really that great that I’m still single? I’m not in a super rush to be “in a relationship”; I just want to hang out with ONE PERSON who make sense.

I mean COME ON!! I’m just so fed up with everyone. I have officially decided not to try. I am going to just go to school, work, and play and if anyone can keep up, I’ll rock their world! Until then I’ll be in my own.

I actually enjoy taking a pretty girl out for a night on the town and, if I got it like that, picking the tab up (just make sure if we decide to go Dutch, you can carry yourself); nevertheless, I don’t really want to take you out every time, or think of ways to spend nice courtly evenings with you. I want to call you up on those lazy Thursday/Friday afternoons when I don’t feel like going out and tell you to come over to my place to just sit and do nothing.

But I can’t do that. Can I? No, because your won’t let me, not because you think I’m just trying to get into your pants, but because you want to be courted longer before we get on that level. I got a problem with that. I’m not gonna court you just because you feel you should be courted. Women always talk about how they don’t wanna be treated like objects or property but then hold out on you and make you wait for the good part in the relationship like they’re auctioning themselves off, looking to maximize the final bid. It’s pure nonsense.

What’s the “Good Part” you might ask?

“The good part” of a relationship is when both parties are comfortable enough around each other to be themselves just about as wholly and completely as they can. When he doesn’t have to make sure his house/apt is spotless before she comes over, when she doesn’t have to dress sexy all the time, when he doesn’t have to close the door when he “drops anchor”, when she can crawl into bed w/ her period panties. Okay, maybe that’s a bit of a hyperbole but it’s exaggerated to illustrate my point. Women shouldn’t “hold out” at the early stages of a relationship just for shits and giggles.

It’s entirely possible to skip to the good part, or simply arrive at the good part without giving too much of yourself to the guy. It’s plain and simple. If you like a guy, and the guy likes you…then like him and let him know that you like him too without making him bid on you. I’m perfectly fine with dating a girl who isn’t sure how much she likes me so I can show her my personality, sense of humour, motivations, etc. But I’m not cool w/ dating a girl who’s already sold on me but is keeping crap from progressing because she’s “old fashioned”. Not cool.

Speak…

The Background

This story starts off with a friend whom we will call Lyle, because it sounds funny. During a water break at the gym, my friend Lyle began to retell his Valentine’s Day disaster story from this passed month. Two months back, at a friend’s party, Lyle met a very very attractive Pretty Lady. Lyle and Pretty Lady struck up a conversation and seemed to hit it off, eventually exchanging phone numbers. Thus began a long string of hour-and-a-half long phone conversations.

Lyle and Pretty Lady talked about everything: life, sports, food, movies, politics, everything. Every so often, Lyle found himself spending the wee hours of the night on Pretty Lady’s couch after an evening of great food and a movie. However, just like any “platonic” relationship, Lyle began to catch feelings for Pretty Lady, hard. Lyle knew in his heart that he and Pretty Lady would make a great couple because they seemed to be in sync on almost every level. Lyle could talk to her about anything and she seemed to relate to that, as if they just  clicked. Lyle was sure she’d see this too.

Soon, Lyle decided that he’d spent enough time hanging out with Pretty Lady and decided to ask her out. Lyle carefully hatched a plan to take her out on Valentine’s Day, as she had no date. Lyle showed up at Pretty Lady’s door with a fist full of flowers and told her,

“We’re going out today. Who needs a Valentine!”. And with that, they were off.

After a fun afternoon of boating and an evening show, at dinner, Lyle decided that the time was right to tell Pretty Lady how he felt. Lyle began his speech about how great she is and how much they should be together and just knew she’d see it too. Negative. Pretty Lady looked Lyle dead in the eye and with a sympathetic but assertive look told him that,

“I don’t see you that way. You’re my friend and I want to keep it that way”.

Needless to say, Lyle spent the rest of the awkward night wishing for an end that never seemed to come.

After a few days of self pity, Lyle continued to talk to Pretty Lady on the phone, almost nightly and they resumed their “normal” relationship. Lyle’s heart was tearing. He knew that she should see him as “more than friends” but had probably just missed something. Lyle approached me for advice and asked,

“How do I get out of the ‘Friend-Zone’ and get her to like me? Moreover, how can I continue to be her friend when I have such intense feelings for her? If we connect so deeply, how come I can’t convert?”

As always, I had to hit Lyle with the Truth.

Check out Part II of “Genius Theory: The Platonic Road Fork”

Before I started explaining the situation to my friend, I paused. Just to make sure I wasn’t jumping the gun, I asked a few questions first because Lyle’s story sounded like there was much that he conveniently left out. I asked him a few questions and these are some of the things I uncovered:

• Since the very beginning of the relationship, Lyle speaks with her a few times a day, just about everyday.
• Lyle has thrice taken Pretty Lady out on extravagant dinners and outings.
• Every time Lyle makes a flirtatious comment to Pretty Lady, she tells him to stop or that it makes her uncomfortable.
• Lyle buys Pretty Lady “Just Because” presents for no reason such as appliances, home decor, etc.
• Lyle gets jealous when he’s around guys that she is dating or brings them up in conversation.
• Pretty Lady could care less who Lyle dates and sometimes encourages him in his relationships.

The truth is that Lyle has no chance. Like none. But what is worse is that he’s doing everything wrong.

The Theory

There is no official formula for getting out of the “friend zone”, but as it is with most things, prevention is better than cure. I told Lyle that his biggest mistake was not paying any attention to what I call the “Platonic Road Fork”. The Platonic Road Fork (or PRF)  is the point in which a man and woman whom have just met must individually make a decision about the future of their relationship. On one end of the fork, you decide to remain friends and just friends. Down the other side of the fork, you decide to pursue a romantic relationship. Everyone does this but some people do it more quickly than others, so fast that they don’t even realize they’ve made that decision.

Oftentimes, this is where people get confused because they start blurring the line between “friends” and “not friends”. It’s important that we have a clear outline for our relationships with the opposite sex and make a mental note of where we stand early on. Yes, things change and positions shift, but having a outline keeps us from getting lost and defining out relationship situation as “complicated“. Lyle was too busy enjoying himself to define his intentions with Pretty Lady. And when it comes to the PRF, the earlier you choose, the better and more clear everything will be. Now I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with “just seeing what happens” or “going with the flow”. I don’t categorize every female I meet, but just as an outline for a research paper helps keeps your thoughts in order, stopping at the PRF keeps things from getting tricky. Because Lyle didn’t stop, he inadvertently landed himself in the “friend-zone” and no matter how much Lyle wants to to get out, he can’t unless Pretty Lady lets him, which she won’t.

The Truth

Now here’s the important part, so guys LISTEN UP!

The phone is for making dates happen. Period. If you are a guy and you’re yapping away on a nightly 3-hour phone conversation with some fine hottie, chances are she’s more interested in you’re company and friendship than what’s in your pants or what you’re lips feel like.  With every long phone conversation that passes without a date being set, you’re digging yourself deeper and deeper into the friend zone. And he’s doing this everyday! I don’t even talk to my mom everyday.

Don’t buy gifts to be sweet if you don’t know if the girl is really into you, and if she IS really into you then guess what…you don’t have to impress her, she already likes you. Dump the Romeo act, it’s tired. Showing a girl how “sweet” you are is a tactic, a trick, and planned attack. We’re trying to make it seem like we’re naturally caring so she falls for it. Think not? Go and try to show someone how incredibly humble you are. If you’re a sweet guy, be yourself and it’ll show, otherwise you’ll either end up broke from buying nonreciprocating gifts or appear creepy/stalkerish.

And if you care more about her auxiliary relationships with members of the other sex than she does yours, then she doesn’t care about having one with you.

The Verdict

In response to Lyle’s question, “… how can I continue to be her friend when I have such intense feelings for her?”, I told him that he can’t. His feelings for her are heavy and her feelings for him are nonexistent. He either needs to remove all romantic feelings for her and cut his loses, or cut his friendship with her off altogether. All the “sweet” things he’s doing for her aren’t done because he’s a nice guy, he’s doing them because he’s a nice guy who likes her and he’s trying to buy his way into her heart. These are things friends don’t do. She’s not going to budge, so Lyle needs to move on.

Discuss.

-The Genius

If this is how your girlfriend reacts, then chances are that you probably think you’re screwed and will just have to deal with the consequences until she blows over. It doesn’t have to be this way. You just have to chain the proper moves together before you score the K.O. There are 5 things that you can do to repair your situation and still be on top and #1 in her book, even AFTER you screw up royally.

1. Don’t (sound like you are telling a) lie. I can’t stress this enough. The first thing that most guys are inclined to do is to try to come up with a bulletproof (and often overly-elaborate) lie to excuse their forgetfulness. This is the recipe for disaster because over the years women have trained themselves to sniff out the bull that spews from our mouths. Men are creatures of habit and as a result our lying patterns have been well documented, studied, published, and distributed in mass. I’m not go into it right now but just know that most women, especially those that know you well, can tell when you are lying  because we are usually either too vague or way too specific.

Instead of doing just that, give her both at the same time. Vague and specific. Look her dead in the eye and tell her something like,

“All my plans fell through, so I had to move it to Thursday”. When she asks you what plans, tell her “If I tell you, it’ll screw it up and I been planning it for like the last 2 weeks. I was hoping somehow you’d forget, or I could work it out before today but, not so much.”

By mentioning a date in the past and locking in a date for the future, you will bring more credibility to your story without really saying anything at all. Hopefully this will provide the mental break and bit of confusion you need to make it to number 2.

2. Control the situation. At this stage, you need to do whatever possible to keep her calm and not thinking about what her friends did for V-day. An easy way to do this is to change the focus from ya’ll to her. Ask her those questions about her that get her thinking. This is where the creativity you should have used in getting a present needs to come in. Make sure that these questions are brought up naturally in conversation, otherwise it’ll look as forced as it really is. The type of question is important too. You know, those questions that you used at the beginning when you were trying to show her you had some substance mentally, or gauge if she had any substance herself. Ask questions that don’t really have any answers like,

“If someone took away everything you had except for one thing, and even though you’d lost everything, just having that one thing would make you happy. What would it be?”. Vacuous questions like that break someone’s train of thought (provided she’s not fuming mad at this point), and get her to think less about the you and more about her.

Hopefully, a few of these will be enough to generate conversation and calm her down and set her up for the next one.

3. Simple is better. After setting up the makeup date and calming her down, suggest something simple that the two of you can do. If it’s not too late at night, rent a movie on Netflix, cook for her, give her a massage, or try to pamper her as much as you can. You need to be the man who wanted to give her everything, but the world was against you, and even then, you are still trying.

4. Hit her with last 15 minutes. This is where you have to start working less and talking more. Women loved to be loved. Moreover, they loved to be loved by someone who loves them. And the only thing they love more than that, is hearing someone they love tell them that. Hopefully you were paying attention to all those chick flicks you’ve watched over the years. More importantly, you should have paid attention to the last 15 minutes of those movies because that is where the gold is. I’m not saying to spew out cliche phrases and lines from Jerry McGuire, but you need to let her know how special she is and lay it on THICK. Even if it’s corny, they will bite.

5. Lay the pipe down. And by pipe, I mean the plan. And by lay it down, I mean complete it. Now that you’re enjoying your alternative Valentine’s Day, don’t screw it up by NOT using the time you created and not planning your makeup date. That’s just dumb. Throughout the week remind her about how excited you are for Thursday. Tomorrow at work, or when she’s doing whatever girls do, get your ass online and figure something out. And oh yeah genius, now you’ve pumped it up so you better make that mess AMAZING!

Or you could just order some flowers and say you’re cash flow’s kinda tight now. Either way.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

You are in the shoe store and become overwhelmed with the vast variety of shoes on display. There are almost too many shoes to choose from: different colors, different fabrics, different heels, flats, stilettos, boots, sneakers, etc….and of course different prices! Some are intriguing, while others do not interest you in the very least.

You come across one pair of shoes. Do they fit? Are they your style? One good way to find out is to try them on….

You ask for your size and the retail clerk brings you a shoebox with a pair of shoes. You gently open the shoebox and pull out one of the two shoes laying ever so neatly in it. Before putting on the shoe, you must first remove the shoe you currently have on and bare your foot. You notice how worn the shoes you are current wearing are. Perhaps it was a good idea to go shoe shopping today??

However, some are afraid of going shoe shopping because they are embarrassed of showing their feet to others. But one must open up and reveal onself because this is the only way to try something new. Or one may rather continue wearing the worn shoes, which will eventually pierce holes through them and will cause feet to blister. This will cause pain….

After deciding it may be a good time to try on some new shoes, you untie the negative strings and gently remove one shoe. You wiggle your toes, arch and flex your foot noticing this feels pretty good. Once your foot is bare, stretched and relaxed, you carefully pull out one of the shoes from the shoebox, and try it on. It fits! You want to see how it looks on you.

You walk over to the mirror to see how the new shoe looks (while still wearing your worn out shoe on the other foot). You like it. It looks good on you. You like how it looks on you. You like the feeling of this new shoe. Fellow customers in the shoe store compliment how great the shoe looks on you. You compare it to your old shoe you are still wearing and wonder why it took you so long to try on new shoes. But before making a decision, you must stop glorifying this one shoe and how it good it looks and try on the second shoe in the box.

While walking back toward the shoebox where the second shoe awaits, you notice a couple of numbers on the shoebox that you did not realize before. It’s the price! OMG! Are you willing to invest in these shoes? Though they feel great and make you feel different in a positive way, are you ready to make a sacrifice to buy these shoes? Maybe you would like to try on the second shoe in the shoe box to make your ultimate decision…

Though shaken by the conflicting feelings of loving how great the shoe looks and uncertainty of taking on the responsibility of the investment, you open the box and unveil the second shoe. It looks exactly like the one you have tried on just from a different perspective. You still like how it looks, but now you have uncovered more information from the pair. You already know you like how the one shoe fits, but you are not sure whether you can invest in this pair. You are willing to try on the second shoe to find out more information about the pair.

More quickly than before, you undo the laces of your worn shoe and bare your foot. You gently pull out the second shoe from the shoebox and slide your foot in it. Now you are wearing the full pair. You stand on both feet and realize you were more balanced than then you were wearing your worn shoe with the one shoe because these shoes have a slight heel. You want to walk towards the mirror again to see how the pair of shoes look on you. They look great! But do they fit your personality?

You start to think about this. Do these shoes fit your personality? You remember that you have always wanted a pair of heels. However, since you have worn your beat up shoes for such a long time, you thought that you would never feel comfortable or used to wearing heels. But the shoes you are wearing now feel great. These shoes are perfect for your because before rushing into getting four inche heels, starting out slow with a slight heel is the best choice for you. Just like a baby crawls before it walks, one must take baby steps before jumping into something completely foreign and new.

After giving it some thought, you decide you are going to take the pair of shoes! You are willing to invest in this pair knowing that it looks great on you, it fits your growing personality, and it will teach you how you walk in heels.

You happily walk back to the bench you have sitting on, you carefully remove the shoes, put them back into the shoebox and put on the worn pair you were wearing. You tell the retail clerk that you will take them. She says it is a great shoe and it is a good choice. She takes the box from you and puts it behind the register.

While you gather you things and walk towards the register, you notice another shoe store across the store you are currently in. There is a BLOWOUT SALE….50% OFF ALL SHOES! Even though you did decide that you were willing to invest in the pair of shoes that you found in this store, you do not want to buy them before checking out the sale in the other store. You know that you do not have to make a big investment in the shoes in the BLOWOUT SALE, and who knows? There might be one just as great as the shoes you just tried on. You walk towards the register and tell the retail clerk that you will be back in a few minutes.

You hurry to the store with the BLOWOUT SALE and see boxes are all over the place. Disorganized, disorderly, people trying on many pairs of shoes at once, and you are looking through the boxes trying to find something similar to the shoe you found in the previous store. Boxes, boxes, boxes…..shoes, shoes, shoes….You notice that there is not as much variety as in the other store, You only see flats, or really high heeled shoes – nothing in between. After looking through many boxes, and trying on many shoes, you are dissatified and did not find a shoe that made you feel like the shoe from the previous store.

After searching for shoes in the BLOWOUT SALE for an hour, you hurry back to the previous store and tell the retail clerk that you still want the shoes that you tried on previously. She apologizes and says that the last pair was just taken ten minutes ago. You look around and you see someone wearing the shoes you previously tried on and happily walking out of the store. This person looked really happy and content with the shoes……while you just missed out in having the shoes that you really wanted, even though they were on your feet one hour ago…….

The moral of the story:

The first shoe represents the body, looks, physicality……
The second shoe represents the soul, personality, and getting to know more…..
The worn shoes represent the baggage from your past and previous relationships…..
The BLOWOUT SALE represents looking for something “better”…..
The pair of shoes represents what you want……..
The price represents investment in relationship……..
The slight heel represents a gradual improvement………
The bare foot represents vulnerability……….
Shoe shopping represents willingness to see something new……
Customer walking out with the pair of shoes you previously tried on represents losing what was yours to keep.