Getting by this Valentine’s Season

It’s the eleventh hour, and yes you forgot to buy her something. This post is being written on February 13th. I would have wrote it earlier but just like you, I forgot. No worries. But despite having at least a good 18 something hours to get something remotely meaningful, you’re not going to. And why? Who cares? She doesn’t. And because of that, you’re gonna have to hear this brought up for the next “who the hell knows”, that or she’ll just give you the whole guilt trip.

If this is how your girlfriend reacts, then chances are that you probably think you’re screwed and will just have to deal with the consequences until she blows over. It doesn’t have to be this way. You just have to chain the proper moves together before you score the K.O. There are 5 things that you can do to repair your situation and still be on top and #1 in her book, even AFTER you screw up royally.

1. Don’t (sound like you are telling a) lie. I can’t stress this enough. The first thing that most guys are inclined to do is to try to come up with a bulletproof (and often overly-elaborate) lie to excuse their forgetfulness. This is the recipe for disaster because over the years women have trained themselves to sniff out the bull that spews from our mouths. Men are creatures of habit and as a result our lying patterns have been well documented, studied, published, and distributed in mass. I’m not go into it right now but just know that most women, especially those that know you well, can tell when you are lying  because we are usually either too vague or way too specific.

Instead of doing just that, give her both at the same time. Vague and specific. Look her dead in the eye and tell her something like,

“All my plans fell through, so I had to move it to Thursday”. When she asks you what plans, tell her “If I tell you, it’ll screw it up and I been planning it for like the last 2 weeks. I was hoping somehow you’d forget, or I could work it out before today but, not so much.”

By mentioning a date in the past and locking in a date for the future, you will bring more credibility to your story without really saying anything at all. Hopefully this will provide the mental break and bit of confusion you need to make it to number 2.

2. Control the situation. At this stage, you need to do whatever possible to keep her calm and not thinking about what her friends did for V-day. An easy way to do this is to change the focus from ya’ll to her. Ask her those questions about her that get her thinking. This is where the creativity you should have used in getting a present needs to come in. Make sure that these questions are brought up naturally in conversation, otherwise it’ll look as forced as it really is. The type of question is important too. You know, those questions that you used at the beginning when you were trying to show her you had some substance mentally, or gauge if she had any substance herself. Ask questions that don’t really have any answers like,

“If someone took away everything you had except for one thing, and even though you’d lost everything, just having that one thing would make you happy. What would it be?”. Vacuous questions like that break someone’s train of thought (provided she’s not fuming mad at this point), and get her to think less about the you and more about her.

Hopefully, a few of these will be enough to generate conversation and calm her down and set her up for the next one.

3. Simple is better. After setting up the makeup date and calming her down, suggest something simple that the two of you can do. If it’s not too late at night, rent a movie on Netflix, cook for her, give her a massage, or try to pamper her as much as you can. You need to be the man who wanted to give her everything, but the world was against you, and even then, you are still trying.

4. Hit her with last 15 minutes. This is where you have to start working less and talking more. Women loved to be loved. Moreover, they loved to be loved by someone who loves them. And the only thing they love more than that, is hearing someone they love tell them that. Hopefully you were paying attention to all those chick flicks you’ve watched over the years. More importantly, you should have paid attention to the last 15 minutes of those movies because that is where the gold is. I’m not saying to spew out cliche phrases and lines from Jerry McGuire, but you need to let her know how special she is and lay it on THICK. Even if it’s corny, they will bite.

5. Lay the pipe down. And by pipe, I mean the plan. And by lay it down, I mean complete it. Now that you’re enjoying your alternative Valentine’s Day, don’t screw it up by NOT using the time you created and not planning your makeup date. That’s just dumb. Throughout the week remind her about how excited you are for Thursday. Tomorrow at work, or when she’s doing whatever girls do, get your ass online and figure something out. And oh yeah genius, now you’ve pumped it up so you better make that mess AMAZING!

Or you could just order some flowers and say you’re cash flow’s kinda tight now. Either way.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Love and Shoes

It is not easy picking out the right pair of shoes.
There are quite a number of things one must consider…

You are in the shoe store and become overwhelmed with the vast variety of shoes on display. There are almost too many shoes to choose from: different colors, different fabrics, different heels, flats, stilettos, boots, sneakers, etc….and of course different prices! Some are intriguing, while others do not interest you in the very least. Read more

You Call Too D@mn Much!

So every once in a while, it becomes even more painfully obvious that there’s certain instances where you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. Read more

Dear Ex-Girlfriend: You Can Do Better

Dear Ex-Girlfriend,

::sigh::

You can do better. I was trying to think of a more gentle way to say it but I don’t have to, I’m not your man. Granted, enough time has passed that I am in no way upset that you are seeing someone new (nor is it my place to be so). Honestly, I’m just happy that you aren’t dwelling on the past. It’s not good for you. But then again, neither is your new dude. Read more

I Never Call Back…Like EVER

A few days ago, a friend of mine pointed out a bad habit I have. I never call girls back once they give me their number. Apparently, she and some of my other female friends consider this kind of behaviour enough to merit me the title “Worst person in the world”. I am fully aware that this pisses some people off, yet I keep doing it (unintentionally). Why would you work so hard to charm a lady, and then act as if you were uninterested after you’ve obtained her contact information? Read more

My Problem w/ Interracial Dating

I have a problem w/ interracial dating, but it’s not for the reasons you think. I’m gonna just jump right into this so buckle up sistas. I’m a 26 yr old black man with two degrees and a well-paying job. No, I’m not bragging, but this will become relevant later. I’m not against interracial relationships, I just have problems with what seems to be a growing percentage of them….and it’s you boo.

Yes, black woman, it’s you. I know that statistically I’m an anomaly. But more and more of my twenty-something year old female friends are growing tired of there “Not being enough good men” around. In their growing frustration, and in their ever-growing wisdom, they come up with the grandaddy of all resolutions, “I’m gonna date outside my race!“. I personally don’t see the problem w/ expanding your horizons and opening up your options, but far too often what this really means is “I’m gonna find a white guy, cuz brotha’s is f$%kin’ up!”. Why are these women acting like they’re 35? Seriously?

My friend, let’s call her “Karen”, is a prime example. After talking to Karen and asking her why she sees that as a solution, she informs me that

“All my previous relationships have turned out horrible, and statistically, black men lead white men in domestic abuse by [insert high number]%. White men just care and treat us sistas better. If black men can’t treat me right and commit, then I’m going to jump ship. Black men mess w/ white girls all the time, why shouldn’t I?”

Now the reason this pisses me off is that what this does is that it subconsciously puts the white man above a black man, and in their mind, “better”. Better for them, better in bed, better for marriage, just better. More importantly, it means that when they pass by me and a white man, they will chose him because he is “statistically better” than myself. What the hell did I do? I don’t care what the numbers say or the statistics. I’m me. But not to make it all about me, this is also dangerous for the woman.

This is because she’s setting herself up for failure, disguised as success. No doubt that dating a white man will be a very different experience, but in that experience, the woman already comes into the relationship with a predisposition to label this new relationship that is different, as better. This is amplified if the couple has a good run. All of a sudden, her hunch is verified and she’s off running spreading the word to all her girlfriends that she’s found the Dead Sea Scrolls. In actuality, he’s just indulging in a chocolate fantasy. Okay, lemme not be bitter. Whether he likes her for her or for her sweet chocolate lovin’, what she’s done is possibly overlooked the very flaws that have gotten her rejected from black men in the first place.

Back to Karen. Karen started dating a white man about a week after she made her declaration and they were together for a while. She swears that it’s because white men treat sistas better, but what she doesn’t understand is that Karen has some issues. Karen is crazy. More specifically, she’s a hyper-empowered overly independent, afro-chick. We all know what I mean by that. Karen is the kind of person that will yell at a man for holding the door open for her cuz “I don’t need to be dominated as the weaker gender by the likes of you“ . What’s sad, is that’s an actual quote. Black men don’t wanna pick fights for no reason every 2-3 seconds, and I highly doubt any man does. So Karen’s biggest turn off is her paranoia of becoming submissive (or compromising). She overlooked her flaw because she just figured it had to be that black dudes don’t know how to treat a woman, and white dudes do (consciously or subconsciously).

Ladies, if you’re gonna date a white man, please…please date a man…who happens to be white. Don’t do it cuz you wanna get your groove back, or because you’re “done” w/ brothas. I love you all too much to see ya’ll sell yourselves short by not addressing your problems. As a comedian once said “If you’re 35 talkin bout ‘Men ain’t sh$#!’, then it’s you boo.” Fix yourself and stop being so jaded. Karen got dumped by the dude after he wrecked shop all up in that chocolate. I’m not saying that this is gonna happen, I’m just saying that’s what happened to Karen. Because Karen is crazy.

Discuss…

You Needa Make More Money Than Me

Call me ole’ fashion but. . . I’d rather that you’d make more money. Does that make me a bad person? Should I not say this out loud? This is ideally in the most ideal sense. You, the man, make more money so I, the woman, won’t have to feel obligated to work [so hard or more than four days out of the week]. But considering that in a few short years, I will be making a nice chunk of change, this really limits my options. And is this wrong? In the practical sense, hell-to-the-yeah. Read more

The Fate of Black Love – Part I

The Fate of Black Love? Maybe.

If TV is supposed to be a reflection of our times, then based on music videos and popular reality shows like “Flavor of Love“, we are really in trouble.

The state of the black community is a topic that has been plaguing its people for years. Read more

On-line Dating and Diabetes

Disclaimer: I know what ya’ll are thinking. “Oh, those staff writers at Afrothought.com and their bogus theories/metaphors/alternate perspectives. Do they expect us to just digest this sh*t oh, so complacently?!! ” But bear with me here on this one. And no, we don’t expect instant digestion. We actively encourage intensive mastication. And if it still doesn’t sit well. Feel free to purge. But bear with me on this one, you’ll see where it’s going…

Read more

The Myth of the 50/50

Yes. It’s a myth. I’m sorry if I just ruined your day. But before I proceed with this installment of Genius Theory, as always, I have to give the backstory. Long story short, I got into a discussion with a female cohort of mine who was upset that her relationship always seemed weighted. Read more

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