I think what’s the most fascinating about this solar hot mess, is that I keep asking myself, “Why the hell the face of his watch on the side of his arm? His wristband is too loose. He should fix that. And then the song just ends….” That’s the kinda stuff I concentrate on. That I REALLY hope that this dude’s from Houston, or at least TX. Cuz I’d be proud. I’m not really sure what that says about me. No matter, I gotta “walk, befo’ I crawl”.

I was gonna stop there, bout I’m foreal confused. Is he leaving the LONGEST voicemail or what! Damn.

Hey, who said they have to be real?

Don’t be fooled by the charming exterior, this guy’s a badass if I’ve ever seen one. Megatron, the leader of the Deceptions and the main antagonist of almost every incarnation of the Transformers canon. What set this supervillain apart from just about every single villain in cartoon history is how unsettling it is that a cartoon villian can be so real and envoke the same kind of ruthlessness seen in live-action R rated movies. He wasn’t insane, he wasn’t misunderstood. He was smart, violent and very much focused on f***ing anyone up that screwed w/ him. If transformers bled, then Megatron would be floating in a river of it.

Not that I condone murder and torture (I assure you there’s a point to all of this), but while other cartoon villains were tying their enemy up and then leaving the room…Megatron would just shot them, oftentimes point blank. If Megatron was ever arrested, he’d be facing charges, including but not limiting to the following: (7) counts of first degree murder, (57) counts of conspiracy, (4) counts of hijacking, and not to mention mass murder of hundreds of thousands of Cybertronians that refuse to do his bidding. I mean, he transforms into a Nazi gun, tha’s evil.

What’s even more surprising is that I honestly can’t remember a time when Megatron fired his weapon and it didn’t hit someone. Also, I can’t remember when he fired his gun on someone that was more than 10 ft away from him. From taking over an entire planet, to outsmarting the “good guys” every single time, Megatron’s populated a huge list of cartoon and villain firsts. Megatron frequently said “kill” when all other cartoons said “destroy”, and was probably the first villain to be both smarter and stronger than his rival, Prime (who was also badass) was running on pure heart, which actually made him cooler.

I guess what I’ve learned from Megatron’s very brief three year run of tryanny, mass murder, and authoritarian rule was that although, these evils were subtle, it managed to do two things. The first is that Megatron’s depth of character helped flesh out and pave the way for the future roles of villains in cartoons. Megatron was the first real villain, and after him, the days of the one-dimensional megalomaniac without a purpose was gone. For all intents and purposes, Megatron owned a planet already, he was just working on the second.

The second is that because at that young age, I realized just how evil Megatron was, he made Optimus Prime look even more badass for standing up to someone who was clearly stronger, smarter, and had a MUCH bigger army than he. All of Megatron’s evil qualities highlighted the altruistic and righteous qualities in Prime, which I, and many others, valued more. In short, Prime wouldn’t be as tight as he was had it not been for Megatron. Now that’s badass…

“Why do guys always approach her when she’s not looking so hot, but when she’s all dolled up and on point, none of the fine guys step to her, only the C-team.”

Here’s what The Prophet had to say about it:

Here’s the deal. The reason why guys aren’t really approaching you when you are looking your best isn’t because of what your makeup is saying about you or that we are selectively sniping our targets. The reason is that dudes these days are just timid and lazy. Yep. You ladies were right. We are just reluctant to talk to you for fear of rejection.

You see, guys have extremely fragile egos. Rejection is something that most guys need to be able to deal with and a key part of life but something that only a very small percentage of guys are capable of handling without batting an eye. The problem is that the overwhelming majority of guys who have the balls to come up to you when you are looking your best are card-carrying members of the C-team. These are the guys I believe that The Genius was talking about as being “That Dude“.  So what about the other guys? The guys belonging to the A-team, hell even the B-team? Why aren’t they talking to you? The answer is simple:  Hoes.

First of all, let me start off by saying that I do not run around calling women bitches and hoes. My mother is a woman and so are my sisters, best friends, and family members. Teachers, religious mentors, neighbors, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, and mail-lady. But everyone needs to stop fronting and realize that hoes do exist. All women are not bitches or hoes, we’re talking 20-25% tops. And it’s this segment that messes everything up for all you quality women out there who got it going on both physically and mentally. This is because the hoes are actually the ones doing the sniping. They feed on all the men from the A-team, B-team, and C-team in that very order and as wonderful as I think the male race is, we are lazy as hell.

Conditioning is the reason we are not talking to you. Most of your good-looking male friends are perfectly capable of getting  “attention” from pretty women without even doing anything. It may not be as easy or as often as it is for even the averagest looking woman, but give it some time, and they will come.

Let’s recap. Men these days are confronted with a dilemma, one that we chose the easiest course of action to solve. On one hand, we are faced with possible rejection from women who know that they look good and know their own worth. On the other hand, we are also well aware that if we just chill for long enough, hoes will make their presence known and we will get “candy” from them. Because guys are lazy, we choose the hoes option because it’s easier and still keeps our egos in tact. I personally believe this is the reason that men are typically attracted to crazy ass women. Sorry ladies, but the truth is just as brutal as you thought. Also, I am very aware that I just used the word “averagest” in the last paragraph. I do not regret that at all. I was just too lazy to change it.

See, told you.

What do you think? Let us know.

The Make-up Myth: The Introduction

The Gentleman’s Thoughts

The Genius’ Thoughts

I’ll admit it, I was like everyone else. For the last two years or so, we’ve all been impatiently waiting for the debut album of Mr. Aubrey Drake Graham, our favorite paraplegic basketball player. Okay, who am I kidding? I’ll be flat out honest. I’ve been living under a rock for the passed two years (clearly noted by my lack of recent contributions on this site), so I was waiting for this album for only a few months. Although I hopped on the “Drake-train” late, I enjoyed listening to his music. I paid more attention to the lack of violent content and smooth delivery than his high pitched, whiny-ass voice or the fact that an artist without a debut album can have about 532 songs in constant rotation; so naturally, when “Thank me Later” came out, I grabbed myself a copy. After carefully listening to the album front to back, I realized…I’m Draked Out.

I’m not saying that I can’t stand Drake or that I don’t like him. I just gotta stop listening to his music for a while ’til this buzz wears off a bit because quite frankly if I don’t, he will begin to annoy the hell out of me. And that’s not good. I’ve expressed this with several of my friends who are members of the Church of Drake and rather than explaining the same things to them over and over again, I’ve decided to make this list so I can just give them a URL to go to when they ask me…”Why?”.

6) His Ongoing Internal Struggle with his Supreme Corniness –

Drake is a funny lookin’, doofy lookin’, corny ass dude. I’m not talking about his lyrical content, just the way he carries himself during interviews and public appearances; wide ass smile, goofy laughs and all. But you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. But Drake, we all know you and your personality well enough to know when you’re trying too hard. Yes, you roll with Young Money and a crew of other various goons, but you take pictures with petticoats and are Canadian. You’re not hard. Corny works for Drake and he’d have a easier time selling corny to people than “smooth”. Nerdy is in, so if you’re a nerd then be yourself. As a fellow nerd, I know that the harder you try to sell us “smooth”, the more difficult it becomes to keep the nerdy goofiness from spilling out in an epic failure. Corny people are corny and if you are a corny person, the best thing to do for yourself is to be corny; otherwise, the end result is a giant box of fail. I believe that this is the REAL reason Drake fell on stage. By the way, shout out to Plies for bringing the word “goons” back into my vocabulary (I hate Plies).

5) Lack of Stage Presence –

This is my pet peeve for singers, but typically is not a big deal to me when it comes to rappers. Eminem is one of my favorite rappers of all time and (until very recently) was horrendous on stage; however, something about watching Drake live really pisses me off, almost in the way watching Ashanti perform made me want to tear out my corneas. Come to think of it, it’s not even when he’s live, it’s just him in general. I swear all the guy does is hold one hand out towards the camera and shake it and then cuts through the air with his hand. It’s like the kid read “How to Work the Crowd” by Ben Stein. Seriously…

• Step 1 – Hold an open palm in front of/towards the camera with fingers spread apart.
• Step 2 – Vibrate hand.
• Step 3 – Use hand and cut through the air* (extra points if you do it overly-dramatic)
• Step 4 – NEVER look at the camera. EVER. Always look slightly away from it or just past it.

4) Find Your Love –

I don’t like this song. That is not a reason alone to be tired of an artists, though. There are several songs by artists that I like that I’m not particularly huge fans of (e.g. Hallie’s Song). I think I just don’t like what this song has become, which isn’t really Drake’s fault. People always tell me how versatile of an artist he is because “he can sing!”…

…..

Okay.

First of all… no, he can’t. Secondly, even if he could, the song isn’t good. It’s annoying. Catchy, maybe. But I judge a song on if it’s own merits. Not if the person can sing well. Everyone knows Christina Millian can sing (kinda) but she can’t make a good song for the life of her. Alternatively, Devin the Dude can’t sing worth a damn, but he makes some jammin’ music. People focus on the wrong things here in this song. If they want to talk about his singing accolades, there are plenty of other Drake songs to cite than this trainwreck of a song.

3) Overall Pace of the Album -

I bought Drake’s album because I thought it was potentially going to be one of the best rap albums in recent history. While I do actually enjoy the album, I bought the album because I thought it was potentially going to be one of the best RAP albums in recent history. The overall tone of the album isn’t what I signed up for. I feel tricked. This is probably due to a lack of proper “research” on Drake because if I’d really paid attention to more than two songs on So Far Gone I woulda seen this one coming. I think the album is a breath of fresh air in the rap scene now, but I wanted more of the “I’m Goin’ In”-type Drake, or “Fear”-type Drake, not the “Successful”-type Drake. The album is super sing-songy and I was just praying that it wouldn’t be. Also, all the songs on this album kinda sound exactly the same… that and he says “Yeah!” like 1000x per song.

2) Unnecessary, Unclever, or Just Plain Vacuous Metaphors –

For me, rap’s never really been punchline-centric. In fact, I often get annoyed when rappers use multiple punchlines in their music. That being said, it’s pretty understandable that if you are a rapper, and you want me to like your punchlines, then it has to be damn clever and borderline nerdy…okay, nerdy. I guess this is more of a problem I have with most rap out right now but, in particular, the Young Money Crew as a whole and one other rapper. Let’s call him…Buddahpriss. Anyway, Drake kinda takes this whole poorly-thought-out metaphor thing outta control. In Chapter 2 of that book Drake read, apparently to make a witty line, all you have to do is say one word, pause, then say another word that is vaguely related to it. I can show you better than I can tell you so here are some lines:

• “If I was at the club, you know I ball…chemo.”
• “I race for your love. Shake and Bake…Ricky Bobby.”
• “Bout to set it off, set it off…Jada Pinkett.”
• “I can teach you how to speak my language…Rosetta Stone.”
• “Like a sprained ankle, boy, I ain’t nothing to play with.”

Seriously. I can keep going on, but I’m hoping you can get the point.

1) The Blackberry “Freestyle” -

If you haven’t seen this thing, I’ll post the video. It just made me mad. I think that rap artists should be able to both write and freestyle. When I say ‘freestyle’ I mean make stuff up on the spot, or at least pretend you’re making it up like 90% of the New York rappers that say they are so they can get on the next SMACK DVD. I remember watching “The Basement” on Rap City and waiting to see my favorite rappers freestyle and see if they have any skills on that kind of mic.

The ones who genuinely made stuff up forever gained my respect, and the ones that made it flow got props too. Guys like Obie Trice, Ludacris, Common, Rah Digga, or Eminem. However the artists that spat written rhymes from their single or even worse spat written rhymes and pretended they were making it up pissed me off. So it’s understandable that I hold my breath when a rapper whom I like steps into “the booth”. It’s even more understandable when my face wrinkles in anger when said rapper pulls out the “smartphone” equivalent of an electronic paperweight and READS his rap. This dude didn’t even try! The rap was tight, but damn man. You knew you were coming on the show and even if you didn’t, you should be prepared anyway because it’s your job.

Conclusion –

I like Drake. I just think I have to take a break from his music until I don’t really remember these things. I gotta take this in doses cuz I’m Draked Out.

Discuss…

I’m not doing this for fun. I’m doing this for my children. I’m doing this for the good of humanity. And while I will get an immense amount of personal gratification in doing this, this is a selfless act. This is something that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time, but honestly I haven’t been the best at doing things when I’m supposed to. Call me a bit of a pessimist but I feel that the fate of the American people is going straight to hell.

There’s been signs of the inevitable destruction of our people as evidenced by recent events. I mean seriously, you know the world (or just this hemisphere) is quickly approaching its end when the democrats actually passed a health care reform bill, the best lightweight fighter on earth loses to a kid from Jersey Shore, and the sandwich we all wished (or prayed not) existed…exists. But more importantly than these cataclysmic or unbelievable events is the ever-so-silent killer of American culture, the destruction of our language. Okay, so English isn’t our language but you know what I mean.

I make up words all the time, but at least I know that they are made up words. I would never include these words on papers, anything remotely academic, or professional. However, I’m amazed by the number of people who abuse the English language unintentionally with absolutely no knowledge of their wrongdoing. There’s a difference between spelling “intellegence” wrong (which I think is funny) and using a word completely wrong. One is an accident, the other is borderline enfoolishment.

Anyway, here’s the list...

If this word was a person, they should be shot. Number 10 goes to the word “Random”. I was thinking about saving this word for later but decided to go straight for it. “Random” is one of many words that was popularized in the same place where many equally useless and destructive instruments of popular culture are born, college. I can’t tell you how many times I would hear this word thrown around pointlessly. “Random” was the first word in our adult lives that we learned to mis/overuse. If clichés were narcotics, “random” would be marijuana, the gateway. Most sentences that use “random” can be expressed with equal emphasis and meaning if the word were not present at all.

“So this random guy comes into the store and starts placing random things into his cart, and then…”

versus

“So this guy comes into the store and starts placing items into his cart, and then…”

The point is that “randomness” is related to probability and combinatorics. It is defined as the property of all possibilities for an event to occur being equally likely. So there is nothing random about the guy who walked into the store. He certainly could have been anyone, but that is obvious. What is more important here is that he was nondescript. Randomness has nothing to do with something being nondescript. If the person/thing has no distinct features to separate it from the rest of the fold, then there is no point of using an adjective. Adjectives describe nouns, and if your noun is nondescript, then using an adjective is somewhat perplexing. Why not just say nondescript instead of random?

Ok, this guy really grinds my gears. In the words of the great poet Andre 3000, “If you say ‘real talk’ I prolly won’t trust ya!‘”. Real talk, and any other variation of it (e.g. True Talk, On the Foreal, etc.) are slowly finding their way into everyday usage. There aren’t many things that upset me as much as people who constantly have to verify the credibility of their stories. If you are credible, then you are credible and if you are not, then please find another way to prove that you are. Simply saying Real talk doesn’t do the trick.

Person A: “Dawg, are you gonna believe that nonsense? He’s lying!”

Person 4: “I know, I thought the same thing, but he said ‘real talk’!”

Person A: “Oh SNAAAAP! Nevermind then!”

Get outta here…

If “random” is the marijuana of clichés, then “sketchy” is the vodka. “Sketchy” graduated from the same alma mater as “random”, they took the same classes together and for the most part are the singular reasons that each of them actually graduated. Without “sketchy” calling in that bomb threat during the test “random” didn’t study for, or “random” having sex with the professor to get the answers to “sketchy’s” test, neither one of them would have lasted as long as they have and certainly not have gained as much success as they have post-graduation. The only reason that “sketchy” is further down on this list is because people actually use the word (somewhat) correctly, but it’s just overkill. In college, I let it slide. Any usage after your baccalaureate is simply unacceptable.

Regionally, we prefer to use the word shady, and we don’t even use that a lot. But sketchy seemed to be a non-Southern alternative to this word, and the non-South was determined to reign supreme and use it so much, “shady” would ever regret being born. ‘Sketchy’ was fun for a while, then it began to get old and annoying. So much so to the point that everytime you hear it you get upset and can’t stop thinking about how much you’d rather it not call you ever again. Kind of like when your reliable booty call starts getting fat and you realize she’s not that good anyway. I’m not gonna harp on this word too much but I am going to put it like this:

If you have a favorite dish, say Beef Stroganoff, that your mum makes for you every Tuesday, then certainly you’d appreciate it. But imagine if your mom calls you a freaking loser repeatedly and spits in it. Then pours milk and beer on the beef. Then she force feeds it to you while yelling insults at you. Now imagine she does this everyday. You’d quickly get tired of this crap.

Not the best or most direct analogy, actually it was horrible, but that is how I feel about the word “sketchy”.

Now this word really bothers me. Unlike the other words on this list, this word only gets me going in the field of academics and it’s in this setting that this word makes me want to face palm anyone who says it in the following way. While sitting through a student computer science symposium, a student presented a paper about a modification he made to a progressive meshing algorithm for reducing the size of polygon meshes and maintaining the silhouette. His explanation was anything but simple, his math complex, and his rhetoric, advanced.

As it should be, it wasn’t a simple topic. He was very well prepared with charts, graphs, images, the whole nine yards. Yet throughout the whole presentation he kept saying, “Basically, you have…” and “You just simply…”, which I found offensive. Not that I wasn’t able to grasp the concept he was talking about, it was just that I knew they were not basic. It’s neither simple nor basic. In fact, if he had been simplifying what he was saying then it’d be appropriate. Instead, he was simply explaining what he was saying. And even if it is basic…do you have to say it’s basic?

Isnt’ it ironic? Actually, no. It’s not ironic at all. It’s more of a coincidence or happenstance, or just plain unfortunate. Not situational, dramatic, or verbal. There is no irony present. I had a problem with this as early as the early-90s, but the Jagged Little Pill that infected us all was too strong. In our state of euphoria, we all let it slide and, as a result, forgot we’d opened Pandora’s Jar. Yes, it was a jar, not a box. When people tell me how ironic something is, I’d say about 87-96% of the time, there is nothing ironic about the subject (and yes I’ve counted). When this happens, I want to impale the person with a barrage of insults masked in a lecture on proper usage of literary devices. The whole thing can be summed up in the following picture. Just today when I was looking online, I ran into this piece of horrid nonsense. For the protection of the innocent, I’ve blurred out the names despite the fact that they are neither innocent nor deserve protection from a verbal assault. Nonsense.

Seriously?

Man. This one is the posterboy for bastardized expressions. This one couldn’t be more bastardized if it’s father left his mother upon hearing the news of his conception. It couldn’t be more bastardized if it was born of a virgin. The misuse of i.e. is almost as annoying as people who use IM language in real life, but not quite THAT annoying. If you ask anyone what “i.e.” means when used in an editorial aside, they’re likely to say “for example”. Promptly slap them. Choose your attack according to your feelings. Remember, a backhand says that they are beneath you and a forward slap expresses the disdain you have for them. Either is fine, so it’s up to you.

“I.E.” does NOT mean “for example”. I.E. is an abbreviation for “illud est” which means “in other words” or “that is to say” and all too often confused with e.g. (exempli gratia) which means “for the sake of example” or just “for example”.

No I know what you may be thinking,

“What did i.e. do to you?”

The answer is nothing. People did something to it. I feel that I have to save i.e. from perceptual abuse. It’s for this reason that I don’t want to ban i.e., I simply want to put everyone on probation and forbid anyone from using it until the probation has ended. At this point, the topics of “should we let people use this word?” and “Have people learned how to use this correctly?” should be examined. If the answer is no to either question, i.e. would need to be immediately destroyed and erased from existence in English; however, it’s Latin origin may remain in tact should we ever need to bring this word back into play. You have been warned.

Time to get downright EVIL. It’s the final four and it’s time for the worst of the worst words responsible for destroying our language and culture. Again, slang is slang. But these words are so vile that they have no place in everyday talk. I admit, certain words/expressions annoy me more than others and “lowkey” is one of them. This is because “lowkey” is a slang word. So when people misuse a slang word incorrectly, it really highlights how completely ridiculous the whole thing is. I don’t even really think I gotta explain this one much but for shits and giggles I think I’ll do it anyway.

As previously mentioned, “lowkey” is slang, so to define it I’ll have to make reference to either the creator of all slang or the Urban Dictionary. The Urban Dictionary defines “lowkey” as the following:

Awww. Gotta love the urban dictionary. Despite this widely accepted definition, people continuously publicly proclaim lowkey things and thereby remove all of the secrecy they are trying to associate with them. This is especially true with people from the Bay Area, but those people have way too many issues to even begin to address now. Peep the image below.

Case and Point.

Technically, this word doesn’t even mean anything anymore. What do people mean when they start a sentence off with “technically”? No seriously. Think about three hypothetical arguments in which the sentences start off with the word “technically“. Go on, I’ll give you a second…

Ok, now change the sentence around so that it says the exact opposite of the original and leave technically at the beginning of the sentence. Hopefully, you should be able to tell that the argument you are using isn’t really about any particular technicality. It’s most likely based on opinion or conjecture. Even worse, it may be entirely vacuous to the whole argument or point.

e.g. Technically, a square IS a rectangle – No, this isn’t a technicality, it’s a definition. And speaking of the words technicality and definition. Isn’t a technicality a piece of information about a subject that is vastly considered insignificant? Why then would so many people preface their arguments with technically as if it were to validate the crux of their argument? It’s either that or they are referring to the argument being of technical nature, which typically it is not or already understood. Technically has made it’s way into the top three because, whereas the other words on this list have been a combination of being misused, misspelled, and generally annoying, “technically” has really ceased to have any meaning whatsoever in common everyday talk.

I am fully aware there are instances where “technically” can be applied correctly, but the fact of the matter is that you don’t use them. Ever. If I were the word technically, I’d be pissed off at you and everyone else for making my once great ass insignificant like how no one remembers who was really on the moon first. Hey, someone had to hold the camera while he filmed Armstrong saying his classic line. Yeh, that guy is PISSED. And I’m sure technically is too.

If you do not know why this word is on this list, you are the problem. If you said this word in the past year, go and slap yourself. You are the real reason those puppies are sad in the ASPCA commercials w/ Sarah McLachlan. Everytime you use this word, I can feel my brain crying. I need to stop referring to this as a word because, well…it isn’t one. Along those lines, it’s an “unword”. As a matter of fact, it’s an epitome of “unwords”. I honestly don’t even know how this word came to be.

We had a perfectly good word in “regardless” but I bet someone wanted to “turn it up a notch”. It’s like someone tried to use “irrelevant” and just completely missed the mark. Saying irregardless is the verbal equivalent of going in between your legs off of an alley-oop and laying the ball up…in a dunk contest.

Satan in literary form. Our list concludes with the worst “nonword” ever invented, conversate. Even as I typed that my heart skipped a beat. My computer’s spell check raised it’s brow and my monitor blinked as if it were saying, “Wtf dude, really?!”. This word has found its way into the vocabulary of people from all walks of life, social class, gender, and ethnicity. I guess you could look at it this way: Despite all our differences, we can still come together and misuse even the simplest of words.

I can’t stress this enough,

Basically what I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty ironic that, irregardless of what you may think, conversate is not technically a word. Real Talk.

I’m done.

Now admittedly, I’m generally a tough critic when it comes my opinion of my friends’ partners, but my friend wasn’t asking me about my opinion of the status of his relationship. He was asking me about what I thought of his girlfriend on personal level. This question for me is easy. I either like someone, can’t stand them, or don’t like them.

So without much hesitation, I told my friend I didn’t like her. At first, he didn’t respond. He just sat there with a puzzled look on his face and I could tell what he was thinking. He opened his mouth and said,

“How do you NOT like her but you talk to her all the time and smile when you see her? That’s fake man? Why don’t you like her!?”

I could tell that he was actually hurt by the lack of kinship between me and his girlfriend, so I reassured him that his girlfriend didn’t do anything to me at all, and just because I didn’t like her, doesn’t mean I hate her.  Nevertheless, over the next few months, my friend constantly tried to get me to “give her a chance” and setup awkward situations that put me and her together in the same place or room alone to try to promote a bond between the two of us. Such forceful and artificial fellowship is actually a turnoff and is more likely to generate a more negative response than there already is. And still, I fail to understand why we simply cannot “not be friends”.

As far as “acting fake” goes, I don’t believe that’s true. When you say that you don’t like someone, it’s one of those statements that doesn’t really sound good no matter how you phrase it. In actuality, it is not as bad as it sounds. I can still think someone is a good person, but if I have no draw to them, then there is no chemistry or connection. If that is true, then I don’t like them. I don’t hate them, I’m just not their biggest fan. I’m indifferent.

I don’t understand why people feel the need to have their boyfriend/girlfriend and their friends, be friends. I personally prefer to keep them separate.  I’d prefer if my girlfriend didn’t hang out with my friends without me being there. I personally believe that it’s easier to keep those two worlds separated and that things get messy when the two worlds collide. But I understand how many people wouldn’t mind that their friends and their partner get along, but is it a problem if they don’t?

I have a friend. He has a girlfriend. Why should he think that just because I see his girlfriend often and share space with her minutes at a time, that we have to be friends?

Maybe I’m just unfriendly. Or maybe she sucks. I dunno.

Discuss…

I hate breakfast. I hate making breakfast. I’d rather be asleep. The only reason I eat breakfast is because I love food. But what I don’t love is being forced to believe that eating breakfast will make me a more efficient and healthy person. It is 7:51AM right now as I’m writing this and I have not eaten breakfast nor do I intend to.

What has Breakfast done for you lately? The best thing to come out of 3031+ years of Breakfast was Orange Juice. Orange Juice and those teeny sausages, but they’re not even that great. I loathe making pancakes. They are flat, round, fluffy wastes of my damn time.

Everyone always says “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day”. If that is true, then how is it that most people skip breakfast and still are productive, healthy, and efficient?  As a matter of fact, I’m more than positive if you ask 10 people “If you have to cut out one meal in the day, what would it be?” I’m sure that at least 9 people will say “breakfast”. That’s actually a good survey to conduct. Let me check, brb.

Ok, I asked 10 people on the way to the bank. Here’s what happened. 8 said Breakfast, one said Lunch (sorry for you), and 1 said Brunch (really, they said Brunch).

Think about it, breakfast is the least mouthwatering meal you can have. Lunch can be amazing, Dinner could be better than sex, but Breakfast? Even if you do have a spectacular breakfast, then you become sluggish and don’t feel like doing a damn thing. Is that any way to start off your day?

I think Breakfast has a low self-esteem and is overcompensating by shoving how “important” he thinks he is down everyone’s throat…literally. Breakfast sux.

You call me too much. You call me all the damn time and we don’t talk about anything. Nothing. Nothing important or even relatively interesting happened in your life or mine between now and the last time we talked which, in all likelihood, was prolly like 5 hours ago. I’ve tried to just not pick the phone up hoping that you’d get the hint and just try calling back later…like tomorrow. But no, you call right back. No answer. Third times a charm. No, it’s not. It’s not a charm. Four times the phone rings and I pick up to see if it’s some matter of life or death…but it’s not. It’s just you on the other line, alive and well with no new or even interesting old subject matter to discuss. I find myself sometimes almost disappointed that your car hasn’t careened off the side of the road and burst into flames or that you aren’t somehow stuck in a airtight container and are running out of oxygen. No, you’re in pristine health and you have absolutely nothing to say. I make attempts to drive the conversation towards something of mutual interest, but that’s pointless. All I get from my questions of “How’s _______ doing over there?” or “What’s one thing you could change about Cali?”are dull and boring one-word answers of “Fine”and “I dunno” .

I’d rather staple my nuts to a burning building than continue this phone conversation any longer than it has to. And right as I begin talking about something I’m actually interested or excited about, you interrupt me mid-sentence w/ “Hey, I gotta go. Talk to you later.” Click.

This is what I want to tell you but can’t. I can’t because as soon as I tell you that “You call too much”, I know that instead of hearing what I said and just calling slightly less frequent or even just calling when you have something to say, instead you will interpret this as “I hate you. You are undesirable and I want you to never call me again.” Maybe not that exactly, but that’s how it comes off. The truth of the matter is that I actually enjoy hearing your voice and like spending time with you, but what I don’t enjoy is pointless communication because….that is by definition not communication. I’m not even a phone person, so if I’m going to be on the phone, there needs to be some kind of point of the conversation. If it’s gonna be one of those “We talked all night about nothing” kind of conversations, then there needs to be several points or at least some topics of mutual interest. Most people have about 2 major milestones in their day and one of those is work/school. Twenty-four hours is a very short period of time and with a few exceptions out of the year, very little happens in one day. So I don’t need to talk to you everyday, especially if you aren’t my girlfriend or “special friend”.

I’ve thought of about a million ways to tell you this, but each one as useless as the next. I almost wish you were a crazy-ass so I could just never speak to you again, but that’s not the case. For whatever reason, I’d rather put up with this nonsense than have you stop calling me, which you will (because you’re programmed to react like that). Apparently I have an unhealthy addiction to you, and if that means enduring an infinite barrage of meaningless and mind-numbing conversations, then I guess that’s the price I have to pay to feed my obsession. Damn.

WASHINGTON — In 1996, the political world was buzzing about the intentions of a possible presidential contender — one who could make history. In the end, Colin L. Powell, four-star American icon, proclaimed that he would not run after all, disappointing millions of supporters but generating sighs of relief at the Clinton White House.

Powell showed over the weekend that he could still affect presidential politics, declaring his support for Democrat Barack Obama. The prospect of Obama becoming the first African American president, Powell said, would “electrify the world,” and the endorsement is already reverberating. Given his decades as a professional soldier and high-ranking official in three Republican administrations, Powell carries weight with the military and moderate voters. Now, more of them could swing to Obama.

Even before Obama was first elected to public office as a state senator in Illinois, Powell was considered the odds-on favorite to become the first African American to head a major-party presidential ticket. He looked to be a formidable candidate in the 1996 race: a black centrist, long an independent, who had led the victorious U.S. military during the 1991 Persian Gulf War. But he declined to run, citing concerns about his privacy and a lack of passion for political combat. There were also reports that his wife, Alma, feared for his safety.

Instead, Powell said, he would join the Republican Party, hoping that his involvement would broaden the GOP’s appeal and humanize its attempts to reform social welfare programs. “I believe I can help the party of Lincoln move once again close to the spirit of Lincoln,” he said. With his embrace of Obama, Powell, 71, has broken ranks.

The decision led to debate over his motives. Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh suggested Powell’s endorsement was rooted in race and the hope that Obama would become the first black president. “I am now researching his past endorsements to see if I can find all the inexperienced, very liberal, white candidates he has endorsed,” Limbaugh said in an e-mail. “I’ll let you know what I come up with.”

Powell, in his appearance on NBC’s “Meet the Press,” denied that race was the motivating factor. He said he had pondered a decision for months, and that he had told Obama, “I’ll give you all the advice I can, but I’m not going to vote for you just because you’re black.” Powell’s decision to cross party lines, former associates said, is far more complicated than black and white. “It was a painful thing for him to do, for sure,” Larry Wilkerson, a retired Army colonel who was Powell’s chief of staff at the State Department, said in an interview Sunday. “One of the principal parts of his character is defined by loyalty.”

The Republican Party and Republican presidents “have done a lot for his career,” Wilkerson said. Powell was President Reagan’s national security advisor, then served as chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff under President George H.W. Bush before he became President George W. Bush’s first secretary of State.

Wilkerson said that Powell ultimately was distressed over what he saw as growing divisiveness in the country and a return to “the vitriol and bigotry and prejudice” of the 1960s. Adm. Henry Ulrich, the former commander of U.S. naval forces in Europe, said he thought Powell’s decision was not easy.

“Colin Powell is a very, very, very bright, thoughtful person, and I can assure you that he did not enter into this endorsement without giving it lots and lots of thought and give it all the due process it deserved,” Ulrich said. “I think it is remarkable that he has endorsed a Democrat, and so I am sure he didn’t do it lightly.

“Sen. Obama is quite lucky and fortunate,” he added. “It should have made his Sunday.”

Colin Powell endorses Obama, breaks ranks with the GOP – Los Angeles Times.